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“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” goes the verse of one children’s rhyme. Nothing could be further from the truth, in my opinion. While a person might recover from the effects of physical violence, it is the verbal abuse that always cuts the deepest.
Even a simple word can make a world of difference to the meaning of what we say. For example, if one was to say: He is intelligent and well-spoken but wears spectacles. The reference seems to suggest that there’s something wanting in his person. If the three letter word ‘but‘ was substituted with ‘and‘, it would make such a difference.
Often we use words mindlessly. I find this especially so in our communication with those closest to us. This is also true when we talk to children or those who in some way in a weaker position than we are. When we’re talking to our superiors or people whose opinion we value, we take a lot more trouble with our words.
Perhaps, if we realized just how powerful our words are and how they can impact a person for the rest of their life, we would not use them so mindlessly. In my own experience, I continue to carry the guilt from calling someone dear to me a ‘failure’ and taunting them with it. I was a child when I did that. I used the in what I thought was self-defence, but I know that it was mean and spiteful. I have tried to make it up to this person, but I know I can never take those words back.
Words are like eggs dropped from great heights. You could no more call them back then ignore the mess they left when they fell. ~ Stephen R. Covey
I should have learned from that experience. To a large extent, I have. But there’s still miles to go before I learn to censor my speech so as not to wound another.
Have you said words you’ve regretted? Or has someone’s words wounded you so deeply that you remember them years later?
May you be inspired – every day!
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Photo credit: jdurham from morguefile.com
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About Corinne Rodrigues
I write because I hope that my words will bring pleasure, inspire or make you question something, just as the words of so many writers do to me. I don't profess to have any answers, I just share from my own experiences and often bring you my own struggles with thoughts, ideas and situations. Today I seek to live life of that is simple, authentic and holistic. I write at Everyday Gyaan and share a blog called From 7Eight with my husband, José and our boxer dog, Pablo.
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We all are guilty of saying those hurtful words Corinne!
I guess when we are kids, we often use words we aren’t supposed to, which is where parenting plays a major role and our parents start teaching us the lessons about good and bad words. But as we keep growing, some people aren’t able to let go of those bad words, or hurtful words, which make such a difference to the one they are spoken to.
I remember when I was a teenager, I must have hurt my mom so many times by arguing with her or hurting her with my words, more than my deeds or actions. I realized my mistake of course, but the damage is done as soon as those hurtful words are out of your mouth, which can’t be taken back once said. Of course, those teenage years are such, as I get the same from my kids now (lol..) – but nonetheless, it’s something we all need to be careful of.
Thanks for sharing and reminding us to watch our words.
@Harleena Singh Yes, parenting plays an important role. The teenage years are always hard for the kids and the parents too. So difficult to keep your cool even when you know that the person saying those words doesn’t really mean them.
So very true. This is a wonderful post. I try to choose my words carefully when dealing with my children and those closest to me. With all people for that matter. Unfortunately, sometimes the wrong words just come out. I was called “lazy” as a child and that has always stuck with me. I’ve heard myself say the same thing to my children. Even if they are being “lazy” there are certainly other ways to voice that to them then yelling at them and telling them they are. Parenting and relationships in general are just so difficult sometimes. : ( Thanks so much for this food for thought. Your words really resonated with me today. : ) Enjoy the rest of your weekend!!
~ Wendy
http://Crickleberrycottage.blogspot.com/
Thank you, Wendy. Oh the things that were said to us in the name of discipline and the things that we in turn mete out to children – our own and those we teach. I think the intention of what we say and the way we say it is so important.
Unfortunately I’ve said many words I’ve lived to regret Corinne, and learned the hard way that they can’t be taken back. The older I get the more cautious I am of offer my opinion or say the first thing that comes into my mind – it can have devastating results as you say.
@Elizabeth Young Oh yes, as I just shared with @JoHeroux I’m trying hard to get better with age. We can only try (and pray!)
This is so true words can hurt so badly..if we thought about what we say before we say it , that would make such a difference…unfortunately we are human and we don’t always stop and think before we speak.. as much as words can hurt..they can also bring smiles….we never know how we impact someone when we speak….if we could just use more words that bring more smiles…I have missed visiting you… love you .. As always…XOXOXOXOXOXO
@BonniePanterGayadeen Words that bring smiles – yours always do that to me. So glad to see you here, Bonnie. Miss you ♥
Yes! Of course, I have said words I immediately wanted to suck back in and I’ve heard words sent to me that cut like a knife. As we age, it is hoped that we learn to more carefully monitor and I’d say 90% of the time, I do. It’s that 10% that my filter is missing or turned off and things fly from my lips without proper thought. Those times always haunt me. Always room for improvement. Great post. ♥
@JoHeroux Thank you for sharing. Yes, one hopes to get better with age and maturity – I am honestly trying – your ratio seems better than mine though ♥
I remember Sam and several close people telling me how frank I was. When something needs to be said, I do so, most of the time, without thinking if I will hurt or offend a person just to hit a point.
My confession would include this. I have forgotten the person and what I told her but I remember her reaction to what I said .
I also have a long way to go before I could be more tactful and more loving. Thank you for sharing this Corinne.
@MelissaTandoc sometimes there are cultural issues too. I know in your culture and mine frankness is not acceptable. People find round about ways of telling you something. I think we have to find a balance between being gentle and being authentic. About your intention and love, I would have no doubts, Melissa. ♥
Oh Corinne, I’ve hurt a lot of people in the past because of what I say. I am doing my best to be more careful when I speak, though, because I know some of them still carry the hurt I left them through my words.
Beautiful reminder, Corinne <3
@Irene9583 We’ve all done that and the important thing is to learn from our mistakes and try harder – I’m trying too.
I am impulsive, so much so that I have coined a word foot-in-mouth-itis for the syndrome I suffer from. I blurt out things, honest things but hurtful … and spend a lot of time doing damage control. Wish I knew how to improve. Just when I think I have this disease in control, I shoot my mouth again
@RituLalit I smiled because I know exactly what you are talking about. I suffer from it too!
How perfectly true! However, the intent of the words has to be taken into consideration as also the context of the conversation. Despite careful thought to words spoke, we sometimes do let some word slip and that might be the one hurting the person spoken to.
I had done a post on this one — http://cybernag.in/2012/02/i-am-hurting-why-shouldnt-you-too/ Would love to have your views on it.
cybernag Yes, the context of our words is very important. I just read your post and really liked it. The example of being called an ‘idiot’ is so true. How often we allow ourselves to replay hurtful words and thus amplify the effect.
This is so very true!! We all probably remember not only hurtful things we’ve said but things said to us. Unfortunately the human brain tends to remember negatives more than positives. It takes many more affirmations to contradict a negative. All good reasons to really watch what we say. Thanks for the reminder!
@Lynne Watts Isn’t it sad that we seem to remember the bad more than the good? Yes, affirmations are a great way to contradict the effect of hurtful words.
There is the famous quote (not sure who said it) that “the pen is mightier than the sword”. I think we could just as easily replace “pen” with “word”. Yes, what we say can wound and maim another so deeply. Such a pertinent reminder to us all, Corinne, to be ever mindful of what we say BEFORE we actually speak those words. May our words always bring solace and healing to others.
Thanks for this beautiful reflection!
Blessings!
@marthaorlando You’re so right – words really can cut and wound. Remember those words from the psalm, Martha – Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight?
@CorinneRodrigues Amen!
No one is perfect and we say things we do not mean many times in our life….It stems from self preservation or a reaction to some thing the other person has said. This post is a reminder that we should really count to 10 before reacting.
@Janaki Nagaraj Counting to ten – I’m thinking I need to count a lot more, actually
Words do wound and those remain etched in our memories for ages. As kids we all have said hurting things to others but as adults we need to keep this in mind and be careful with our speech. I pray everyday that I don’t hurt anyone by mistake.
@SulekhaRawat That’s a wonderful prayer to make. Thank you for sharing.
Words have energy and power. They can destroy or build. You bring back memories of words that hurt me as a child. You’re so right, words may not break bones, but they can break our spirits.
Thanks for the reminder to watch our tongues before we speak.
@Myrna11 I’m sorry I brought back these memories, but in some ways words that hurt us always hover around in our mind. It takes a lot to stop those voices in our head.
This is so true. A person can heal from physical abuse in most instances but the mental and verbal abuse stays with a person forever. I wish that wasn’t the case. Years later, I still remember mean things that were said to me and they continue to do their damage. I hold back. I protect myself. Mostly I withdraw from that person forever shutting them completely out of my life with no hopes of ever letting them back in. This post is very poignant for me today of all days. It is my sister’s birthday and she is one person that I severed all ties with because of her hatred and malice towards me. Life is just happier without her. On days like today I still think of her and wonder where she is and hope that she has a good day wishing things could have been different. She will never change and I simply can not deal with her anymore. It is sad.
Kathy
http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com
@Tweetsmom Thank you so much for sharing. It touched me very deeply. I too have severed ties with some people who were bringing a lot of negativity in to my life. I know that I’m better of without them, but there is always a sense of loss, isn’t there? ♥
I still remember being teased for being plump as a child. That has left such a deep imprint on me I still am very conscious of my looks and cannot carry myself with confidence. I understand it completely and agree with you…
@privytrifles Words sometimes used to tease us can leave a lasting impact. However, the good news is that we can re-write the script in our brains.
Oh, my goodness. So true. I’ve used the “but”/”and” example many times when talking with peers and church groups. Except I used “because” instead of “and.” So often we find ourselves saying, “I love them, but….” and go on to list something we dislike in our moment of gossip, detracting from those we “love” rather than adding to them. If we get into the habit of saying “I love them because…” we will have such more fulfilling relationships and garnish respect from those we surround ourselves with.
@femmefrugality That’s a real good one – adding ‘because’ can add a lot of meaning to a sentence like ‘I love you…’. Thank you.
This is a great post. I think we’ve all been wounded – scarred actually – by thoughtless things that other people have said. I really try not to hurt others…but, you never know when you might do it by accident, because people have a lot of different triggers. And, if they do not speak up, you just do not know….although you can and should read body language and facila expressions.
Nice post!
@ElizabethRodriguez Oh yes, despite our best intentions there are times when we end up hurting someone with our words – I think it happens to all of us. It’s the more deliberate words that I worry about though.
Yes to both of your questions. I certainly have hurt people with my words (often without meaning too but that takes away non e of the responsibility) and I have in turn been hurt by others in this way. The single thing i would like most in the world is to be able to properly guard my tongue but this is a very difficult thing and I think it can only be achieved through a lot of reflection and after much learning and wisdom! Wonderful, thought provoking post my friend!
@colleenaleena Guarding one’s tongue is so much easier said than done, isn’t it? But I do believe that as long as we’re all aware and trying to be gentle with our words, we can eventually succeed.
Corinne, words used against me nearly were my demise. I became what I was told I was. Then I realized I had a choice. Now I look at these little children that have been entrusted into my care and I listen to the words they use with each other. Mimicking what they have heard used against themselves and others. It is absolutely heartwrenching. In their innocence they really don’t know, I am trying to teach them. Kearstyn got mad and called me a fat old lady. I said yes and I am still the adult. I proceeded to help her understand how hurtful words such as those could hurt someone. I work very hard to not use demeaning words and phrases because of my own long lasting abuse, I am however human and I do get royally pissed sometimes and say all the wrong things.( not at the kids, their parents yes, but never the children.) I can only apologize and go on. This is a great post.
@jovane4685 I admire you for what you have made of yourself despite the words you heard. And now I see you giving the grandchildren a loving and caring environment. I’m sure they will benefit much from your unconditional love and gentle heart, Jan.
You are right corinne, often we use words without thinking – I try to be very careful not to use hurtful words to those around me, and I have learnt to let go of some words that I have received in the early days of my life from some people, which did effect my self esteem. Today I make deliberate choices and filter what I listen, especially when I hear abusive words from people around me – believing that I cannot change any one in this world, and remind myself that its not worth listening.
There are other times, I forget and use words with my daughter, appreciating her and at the same time adding the BUT, I must learn to use AND instead of But. Thanks for reminding…
@G Angela Yes, we’ve all been victims of words spoken thoughtlessly and sometimes deliberately that have hurt us deeply. Yet, it’s often hard not to say something in anger – as long as we keep trying. I find that with children we’re scared they’ll get swollen heads so we think it’s imperative to add the ‘but’.
So very true Corinne! Words are much like nails. Once pounded into wood, even removed they leave their mark. I choose my words carefully, trying to make sure they come out as intended without room for other interpretation ☺
@hudakcollins That’s a very strong way of putting it, Mary. But it’s so true. You’re very good with choosing your words – like I told you before, I’m learning from you. ♥
Yes. Someone has mentioned that to me … ‘but’ is such a word that can turn positive things into not so.
@JourneyofLifeA So true, isn’t it? We must try to butt out the buts
Guilty over and over of letting out words thoughtlessly. Sometimes one doesn’t intend something and blurts it out only to find that the other end hasn’t received the message well. I regret and regret but things cannot be undone.
Still working on it.
Joy always,
Susan
@Susan Deborah It happens to all of us – especially opinionated women like you and me! But it’s so hard to undo, isn’t it?
Words have the power to transform the world we live in.It’s always good to be careful while choosing words as we can’t take back our words.Nice post corinne !!
Words have the power to transform the world we live in.It’s always good to be careful while choosing words, as we can never take it back.Nice post corinne !!
Abuse hurts, whatever it is, but I agree that verbal abuse is worse than physical one. I was hurt with words so many times
@nikky44 I knew you would agree. ♥