I have the most vivid dreams and what’s more I tend to remember them for at least 2 – 3 hours after I wake up. My husband finds them very entertaining and urges me to write them down. I haven’t really tried that yet. One of my recent dreams involved me running a book store and this brought to mind this post I had written a very long while ago. I’m republishing it today.
I am living my dream.
For as long as I can remember, my dream consisted of Words.
And why, yes, even selling them.
I dreamt of owning my own book store.
I dreamt of having countless books to read.
I dreamt of speaking before large audiences.
I dreamt of writing and publishing my words.
I don’t own the book store.
But all the other dreams around Words have come true.
Words have come to be a part of my reality today.
I am living my dream.
If you are new to Friday Reflections, here’s what it’s about. It’s the end of the week, you’re probably exhausted with work, and all you want to do is sit back, put your feet up, sip on some fancy cocktail or wine, and write away. Sanch of Living My Imperfect Life and Everyday Gyaan give you writing prompts and all you have to do is choose any one of those prompts to blog about and link up between Friday and Monday. After you link up, be sure to spread the love by visiting other bloggers who have linked up too.
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1. Are you messy or neat? What about your family/people you share your house with? Does it work well?
2.Write something inspired by a recent dream you had
3. Write about the sounds of silence
4. “If happiness is the goal – and it should be, then adventures should be top priority.” – Richard Branson. Use this quote to inspire your post or within it
5. Picture prompt (via Everyday Gyaan)
There was a time I thought IVF was morally wrong. Now I do have acquaintances who’ve had children via this route and I cannot take a moral stand on their choices, that have brought a beautiful baby into their lives. Just yesterday I watched a video of a young couple who had ‘adopted embryos’ and gave birth to triplets. Their joy and gratitude towards the donor parents was very moving. Today, I hosting Dawn K, a young woman who has chosen to be a donor.
Banking on It: Why I Froze My Eggs For Donation
I’ve always been opinionated, ambitious, and somewhat of a control freak. I work fourteen-hour days and have no plans of slowing down. I don’t have time to get into a relationship, and I’ve always known for sure I don’t want kids, ever. That’s just how I am.
But I did wonder: even if I don’t want to have children of my own, could I help other women who dream of having children?
My answer unexpectedly came from a close friend over our monthly coffee date – I’d totally forgotten she used egg donation to have her beautiful twin girls! She was thrilled at my idea and recommended the same company she had worked with to help get me started.
Over sips of mocha, she told me how Donor Egg Bank USA helps infertile couples – like her and her husband – conceive by providing them with frozen eggs donated from young, healthy women like myself.
I immediately knew it was the right path for me to take.
Why Freeze Your Eggs?
There are many different reasons a woman may choose to freeze her eggs.
For some, like me, they choose to altruistically donate their eggs to give struggling infertile women a chance to have their own baby. When you provide your eggs for donation, so that one day a loving couple can start a family of their own, you’re giving the biggest gift of all. But there are other reasons too.
For others, it’s to safeguard their future fertility and give themselves the option of having kids later. Kind of a “just in case” precaution to make them feel more confident about going after what they want to now versus “someday.” They’re making great strides in their careers, thinking about taking a trip to Bali, and don’t want to worry about not being able to conceive.
Perhaps you wish to wait until you find Mr. Right. Maybe you’re just the kind of girl who likes to err on the side of caution, or circumstances put you in that position. Some women have a history of early onset menopause – others may be facing a tough battle with a disease like cancer, and wish to freeze their eggs to prevent radiation problems.
IVF Success Rates with Frozen Eggs
If you’re concerned about frozen egg IVF success rates, you needn’t be.
Rates of successful conception are now higher than ever! A new technique’s been developed called vitrification, which reduces the risk of egg cells being damaged by ice crystals during freezing and increases their chances of viability. This means that when you are ready to thaw your eggs, they will be in almost exactly the same condition as the day they were frozen. You can feel confident that any otherwise healthy woman who wants to use your donor eggs will be able to conceive a healthy baby.
Fulfilling Another’s Dreams
Many women dream about what it will be like being pregnant one day – how it will feel, what their child will look like, and so on. For women who find out that they will not be able to conceive on their own, the news can feel like a bomb that shatters their world. But thanks to advancements in reproductive technology, your frozen donor eggs make it possible for these women to have their own child. To experience the joy of getting a positive pregnancy test, the ultrasounds, preparing the nursery, and carrying their own baby in their womb.
They’ll give birth to their child and experience motherhood thanks to your decision. They’ll get to fulfill their dreams, change dirty diapers, take strolls in the park with their newborn and generally do everything that comes along with the job!
Whether you’re thinking about freezing your eggs for your own personal use, or you wish to donate your eggs to another so she may have her own baby like I did – egg freezing is empowering women on both sides of the coin.
Take control of your life, stop time, take charge over your situation and live the life you want to.
Dawn K., 26 yrs old
“My dad’s advice to his children was, ‘hold your form’. Those bestowed bellwether words were integral to embracing my faith, finding joy within (and without!), allowing ‘true’ love, giving in peace and empowering others to rise to their own best form.” Reading this from Everything And A Happy Ending was enough to get me right into Tia Shurina’s deeply personal and authentic memoir.
Tia certainly held her form through her journey through reconciling with her father, coming to terms with the fact that her marriage wasn’t working, giving her son the freedom to be himself, discovering a deep, emotional love that she had to let go off and most importantly learning the greatest lesson – self-love. I could identify with her writing, and how she moved from floating around without purpose to learning to treasure herself. Finding faith and hope in life and the Universe, learning from books and events, going out on a limb for love, being authentic and learning to risk and dare are all aspects of my own journey that the book echoed for me.
Here’s a true story that made me sit up and think about my own and revalue the quality of my life and living.
This book comes highly recommended from me.
Everything And A Happy Ending
EAAHE, a memoir published by Mascot Books, details the journey & soulful shift of her story as Tia shares her holy grail & trail she took to transform her life. After moving through her own metamorphosis she then helped an old friend, Ray Romano, move through his own transition, going with the flow very privately, but most profoundly.
“My journey almost destroyed me. Almost. Boy have I come to like that word. What a pleasurable word almost can be. You may almost be ready to buy my book. You may almost be ready to begin an amazing new journey of your own. You may almost be over that rainbow Judy Garland sings about. What great potential almost can hold if you can flip your way of thinking. Just imagine, controlled pessimism, doubt & fear flipped into blind optimism, faith & love.”
That flip helped Tia move to a place where heaven meets earth…the pearly gates of her own happy ending. Changing the ending for her story brought a pure, precious, peace of heart, but kicked her butt a bit as she made her way…committed to keeping her faith. The book was a Plan C, maybe even D, but Tia was determined, after a dedicated intention & divine decision to start swimming more with the current of her life, instead of bucking that flow. Her ordinary, relatable story took an extraordinary, fantastical turn when she showed the Universe she was committed to her intention & her desire to be given an opportunity to make some new, different choices. EAAHE is a memoir that shares the “how’d that happen?” & the “how’d she do that?” in a holy hope of helping others to see life in a new way.
EAAHE recounts 3 inter-connected relationships & love stories that enabled Tia to love truly, deeply, & most of all, love herself. Three special circles she rounded with Ray, her dad, & her ex-husband. A true woman’s full circle journey to learn how to really trust, how to “thine own self be true”, & then, the real & true love it led her ‘round back to. It shares how the power of love & a journey to intimacy helped her make a faithful flip which began a sacred circle & new chapter…one that would allow a different ending for a story she had begun writing for herself when she was much younger. One that Tia feels strongly will inspire other women of a certain age to keep faith that it’s not too late to write a new ending for their own, as they embrace their history, not try to re-write.
Tia is, most days, filled with joy. She is, every day, filled with peace. She looks forward to a happy ending each new day now, however it unfolds, whomever it holds, & whatever way the Universe molds, as she continues to create a new “happily ever after”, staying committed to rising above her fears, moving out of her comfort zones, and going with the flow of her life.
Here is what the customers are saying about the book on Amazon.
If you are interested in reading the book, here is where to find it – check out on Amazon – or from Tia’s own site.
Here is a Press Release about the book.
This is a sponsored post. Some of the links in the post may be affiliate links which means that the blog you are reading it on may receive a small percentage of compensation if you decide to purchase the book on this site.
I’ve been busy making some changes in my …One thing that has been underlined for me recently is: Change comes from within.
Have you ever noticed that when you’re having a bad day or a rough patch in life, even the things you normally enjoy doing and the people you loves don’t seem to bring you the same amount of joy? And often, when you’re having a good day or things are going brilliantly in your life, situations and people who normally annoy you somehow seem bearable. It’s obvious then that our internal state has an impact on how we experience life, not the other way around.
It follows naturally, that we must pay more attention to our own growth, evolution, and transformation – and less attention trying to change people or circumstances around us. No, it doesn’t mean that we stop caring about what other people say or do. It doesn’t mean that we needn’t give others feedback.
No, what it means that by not giving in to our desire to change, fix and control people and circumstances, we free ourselves. We give ourselves the space to focus on changing the one thing that sometimes keeps us from being happy, successful or fulfilled – ourselves.
While thinking about change I recalled this one. Enjoy!
What did the Yogi say when he walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor?
“Make me one with everything.”
When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said, “Don’t I get change?”
The proprietor said, “Change must come from within.”
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Mothers’ Day seemed like a good day to write about the fact that I consider myself a childless mother. So when I received Mothers’ Day wishes this year, I simply said ‘Thank you.’ Another reason for not clarifying that I have no children is the fact that it seems to make some people uncomfortable. I’ve had conversations that went like this:
New Acquaintance: So, how many children do you have?
Me: I don’t have children.
New Acquaintance: Sorry.
Me: Why are you sorry? I’m not.
New Acquaintance: Oh….
Me: (Then attempting to put them at ease, although I’m not sure why I bother) I got married only at 41………..
By the time I’m done, their eyes are glazed, because not only do I have no children, I’m not sorry about it, and perhaps they’re now wondering whether I’ve been married before…. and they simply don’t know what to say.
Don’t I sometimes wish I had children? I would be lying if I said ‘No.’ But I’ve accepted this far better than I would have if you told me when I was 20 that I wouldn’t be having children. And honestly, I’ve had the chance to mother kids, as I explain here.
A version of the post first appeared on Parentous.
A Childless Mother
You watch an infant having a tantrum, holding her breath and getting blue in the face. You tell her screaming mother not to panic and try to divert the child’s attention. Instead, the mom turns on you with: ” What do you know? You have no children!”
It’s the same thing you hear when you advise a friend that her 14 year old son is old enough to take the school bus or public transport. But no, she insists on dropping him and picking him up from school herself.
When a 17 year old, obviously has serious issues at home, gets into a fight at school every day and is eventually imprisoned for petty crime, you counsel the parents. You tell them that their son is actually a soft-hearted kid and very smart. He’s hanging out with the wrong crowd because he wants attention. They look at you as if you’re insane. They know their son is a no-good fellow who needs a sound thrashing. After all, what do you know, you don’t have kids.
Yes, I don’t have kids. It’s not by choice, but by circumstance.
The fact that I have no children does not mean that I don’t understand children. It does not mean that when I tell you not to panic about your child turning blue that I am not worried too. No, I’m telling you that your panic is going to transfer to the kid and make the situation worse. When I tell you to let your son go on his own to school, it does not mean that I am heartless. No, it just means that I believe you’ll be teaching him independence. When I tell you that your son is a good kid, it’s because I’ve taken the time to talk to him as a person and listen to his cries for attention.
I know that if I had children, I would have loved them as fiercely as you do yours.
Sure I would make some errors in judgement in their upbringing. There would have been times that my children would open up better with an uncle, an aunt or a teacher. I would not have been a perfect parent – because there never was a perfect parent.
I am childless and that’s a fact that I’ve come to accept. But, please know, you do not become a parent the moment you give birth to a child. Parenting is something that is learned from practice, but also from openness. Parenting is the skill of relating to a child in such a way that s/he feels secure, loved, cherished and has the freedom to be who s/he is.
I am childless. But my phone rings early in the morning, on a particular day every year and a young man, now in his thirties says, “I want you to be the first one to wish me for my birthday”. When that young man, who used to be the misunderstood 17-year-old, and now a successful manager in an MNC calls you ‘Mom’, you know that even a childless person can be a parent.
What are your views on childless parents?