The Eyes Don’t Lie: Surprising Ways Body Language Can Detect Dishonesty

The Eyes Don’t Lie: Surprising Ways Body Language Can Detect Dishonesty

Trust is a vital factor in any relationship, especially a romantic one. If you can’t rely on your partner, you can’t feel safe with them physically or emotionally. Women want a man who is honest, but sometimes it can be hard to tell the fact from fiction, so here are some tips for women on how to tell when a man is being dishonest just by reading his body language.

The Eyes Don’t Lie: Surprising Ways Body Language Can Detect Dishonesty

Eye Contact: It’s said that the eyes are the windows to the soul, and they can certainly be very revealing at times, particularly when someone’s not telling the truth. Most people think that if people don’t hold much eye contact then they’re not telling the truth. In fact the opposite is true. According to Psychology Today, a person who is lying will take care to hold more deliberate eye contact.

Steady Breathing: Often when a person is lying, you will notice them breathing heavily. When people are being dishonest, their blood flow and heart rate change; becoming faster. They breathe more heavily as though they are out of breath. If your partner is breathing steadily when he is speaking to you, he is probably telling the truth.

Steady Voice: It’s important to be familiar with how your partner normally speaks, in terms of speed, tone and timbre. If he’s being dishonest, his voice will most probably be unsteady and the tone may be uneven.

Nose Touching: Some researchers and analysts believe that repeated nose touching while talking is a sign of lying.

Throat Covering: When people are lying, their hands are drawn to protect the vulnerable parts of their body, such as their throat chest or abdomen. Someone who is being absolutely honest will not have the compulsion to do so.

Blinking Rate: If someone is telling the truth, their rate of blinking stays constant. If they are lying, they will blink more rapidly with an uneven rhythm. Read this to answer the question why do men lie.

Fake Smile: You can tell a genuine smile because it engages the eyes. A fake smile is usually a sign of dishonesty. So keep an eye on your partner’s grin.

Hand Wringing: Rubbing or wringing the hands is another sign that someone may be lying. Other signs of dishonesty include twisting a ring or bracelet, and rubbing the back of the neck or rubbing the palms on their pant legs. People often tend to fidget when they are lying, so look out for tell-tale signs like pen clicking or foot tapping.

Micro-gestures: These facial expressions can be so fleeting that they go unnoticed. If you are not super observant they can flash across your partner’s face without you being able to spot them. The best time to catch them is to watch the facial expression that remains on their face when they have finished talking. You might spot a quick eye roll or a mouth twist which gives the game away.

Head Movements: If you’ve just asked your partner a direct question, and he makes a sudden, jerking head movement before answering you, odds on he’s lying. He may jerk his head back, or to the side, or bow it down.

Standing Still: Although fidgeting is a common sign of dishonesty, standing perfectly still is another dead giveaway. If your partner has a rigid posture and looks like a mannequin while he’s talking to you, chances are he’s trying to hide something.

Feet Shuffling: If your partner is standing and you think he’s lying, check out his feet. If he doing a soft shoe shuffle, he’s most likely lying. According to analysts, it’s a sign that he wants to walk away from the confrontation.

Pointing Finger: Liars tend to do a lot of finger pointing when they are talking. This is because a liar will often have defensive or hostile feelings and he is trying to turn the tables on you.

People lie all the time, some more than others. There are many reasons why people lie, some of them include fear, manipulation and pride. Sometimes people lie to avoid hurting someone’s feeling or because they want to serve their own purposes. A lie can sometimes even appear to be unintentional. However, lying can become very destructive and can ruin a perfectly good relationship. Keep abreast of your partner’s body language when he’s talking to you, that way you will always be able to catch him out when he’s lying.

 

Image of uncomfortable man via Shutterstock

When Love Says Stop: Spotting Those Little Red Flags in Your New Relationship

When Love Says Stop: Spotting Those Little Red Flags in Your New Relationship

Red flags can show up quickly in a new relationship. If you ignore them, you could end up being hurt.  If you are the type of person who tends to fall in love quickly, it’s a good idea to know which red flags to look out for so you don’t run the risk of spending months with someone you are not compatible with.

When Love Says Stop: Spotting Those Little Red Flags in Your New Relationship

If you want to save time and heartbreak, follow this checklist of signs and signals to watch out for in your relationship.

The ex-factor: If the only things your partner has to say about his or her ex are negative, they may not yet have recovered from their previous relationship. Either that or he or she is generally a resentful person.

The big secret: If your partner seems reluctant to introduce you to his or her friends and family, they are showing a distinct lack of pride in being with you. Alternatively, they may be ashamed of their friends or family; an equally bad sign.

The scorekeeper: No one wants to be in a relationship with a partner who keeps a tally of all the things they do for you, just so they can say they do more than you do. Don’t put up with it. You should both do things because you love and appreciate each other.

The drama factor: This can apply to both men and women. Some people are not happy until there are fighting about something. There are plenty of other ways to add excitement to your life.

The abuser: If your partner is making constant derogatory remarks to or about you, it’s time to walk away. He or she obviously has no respect for you.

The unfair fighter: If your partner is still harping on about things that happened months ago, this is another red flag, particularly when he or she uses it as ammunition in a fight.

The needy factor: It’s nice to feel needed, but if you partner is so dependent on you that he or she can’t do things without you, that’s taking things too far and leading to an unhealthy relationship. Read this article about neediness to find out more.

The micromanager: In a healthy relationship, a couple evolves together. If your partner is trying to gain control over every aspect of your life, this is a huge red flag because over time it will destroy your self-esteem.

The do-no-wrong factor: We all make mistakes and an honest and honorable person will apologize and move on. If your partner is always unwilling to accept responsibility for their behavior and refuses to apologize, this is a major red flag.

The guilt-tripper: Is your partner trying to make you feel guilty about not spending every spare minute with them? If so, this is a sign of self-esteem and boundary issues. You need to have your personal space, bear this in mind.

The dislike factor: If your close friends and family members don’t like your partner, that’s a good sign that he or she is not right for you. Those closest to you know you better than anyone does, and if they think you partner is not right for you, they probably have a point.

The no-comfort zone: Another huge red flag is if your partner doesn’t offer you any comfort when you are upset, or they disregard you in situations where your comfort is threatened.

The disinterest factor: It hurts when your partner doesn’t show any interest in the things that are important to you, especially if you take the time to follow his or her interests. Perhaps it’s time to find someone with whom you have more in common.

The text deleter: If your partner is constantly deleting texts as quickly as he or she receives them, this is obviously another red flag. What exactly are they trying to hide from you?

The lie factor: If your partner tells small lies about trivial things, you can be certain he or she is being dishonest about bigger things. Lying is never okay. Don’t let your partner use lies or excuses to get away with things.

If more than one red flag is popping up within the first few months of your relationship, take a deep breath and re-evaluate the situation. You may realize that it’s time to move on.  It will save you time and energy later.

Amelia Gardiner is a personal counselor who is always looking for ways to help people deal with live better. She also likes to share whatever she discovers by posting on various relationship and lifestyle blogs.
Dealing with Divorce : Picking Up the Pieces and Loving Life Again

Dealing with Divorce : Picking Up the Pieces and Loving Life Again

While a divorce can be a good thing and something even immediately celebrated, it brings about change and subsequent feelings of guilt, loneliness, regret, etc. More so, a person needs to take care of themselves in order to love again. Dealing with divorce is not as easy as changing residences and signing divorce papers. It requires emotional healing.

Dealing with Divorce: Picking Up the Pieces and Loving Life Again

Here’s how to heal and love life again:

Immediate High

Divorce can bring an immediate high, especially if one has been living through an unfortunate relationship for a significant time. Also, if one has not been single for years or decades, they may grow excited at the thought of dating other people and having new experiences. Most go through an immediate high and then experience negative emotions as they must get used to a single lifestyle, and change always brings about some levels of stress and anxiety. There’s no reason not to enjoy the immediate feelings of bliss, but it’s necessary to understand it will subside.

Designated Confidante

Many feel like a friend or family member is the right person to talk to about feelings. However, close ties and relationships can obscure problems and impede solutions, a reason why counselors, otherwise strangers, help people through medical and personal issues. Find a designated confidante, one who you can trust and talk to about your feelings. You’ll go through a range of feelings, all or most that are healthy. It’s important to have someone who will listen to you. It doesn’t have to be a ‘close’ friend, just a good listener.

New Life

People think of ‘life’ as a linear sequence, with hopes, dreams, and expectation. It’s an awful lot of pressure to put on a person, relationship, marriage, career, etc. Rather than think of the divorce as a failed life ‘goal,’ reconsider the way you think about the future. For one, it’s excitingly unknown. Sure, there are goals to work towards, yet some elements are out of your control. Perhaps understanding that you’re always getting closer to your destiny is a more positive way to view the future and to get through an immediate divorce or trial in life.

Healthy Feelings

As mentioned, you’ll go through a range of feelings that are mostly healthy. However, some people have a more difficult time adjusting to change itself, being single, having to move residences or even states, and going through a modification in their social life (Some pals may feel alienated, being ‘better friends’ with an ex.) A counselor can help you distinguish between healthy and unhealthy feelings. For example, a loss of excitement or motivation is common yet unfortunate. However, thoughts of suicide or becoming emotionally closed off to others, even those closest to you, is not healthy and needs remedy before things spiral out of control.

Spent Time

Idle time is the enemy in times of emotional crisis. If you’re bad at being spontaneous or finding things to occupy your time, make an effort to find a hobby or make definite plans with friends throughout the week. A person’s passion is displaced during a breakup. They had strong emotions toward a person and now there is no proper ‘place’ for those feelings. Yet, the energy remains, a reason one needs to find a positive outlet – learning a craft, beginning to jog, forming a company or charity, etc. This may also be a good time to read, Jackson Mississippi Divorce Lawyer: Building the Future You Deserve.

New Relationships

You’ll hear a lot of opinions yet there is no conclusive rule regarding when it’s time to date again. Some people are able to get back out there quickly while others need time to focus on themselves before being serious about another relationship. However, be fair to yourself and others who potentially may develop feelings when you begin dating. Be sure that you are ready, for if you’re not, a new relationship will seem too intimidating and mentally challenging to thrive.

Self Growth

Wise healers and counselors remind us that any challenge introduces an opportunity for improvement. When it’s time, survey your prior relationship. While it’s better off that you did not wind up being with that person, there are lessons to learn. Did you contribute to any unneeded strife due to your own habits, beliefs, etc? Are there things you can do differently in a new relationship that will be conducive to its success? While a divorce is an ending of sorts, don’t deny yourself the opportunity for self-growth and new beginnings.

Archie Adams is a couples therapist who enjoys helping people in turmoil. He also enjoys sharing his tips and insights on a number of family and relationship blogs.

 

 

A Childless Mother #MothersDay #CelebrateEveryMother

A Childless Mother #MothersDay #CelebrateEveryMother

Mothers’ Day seemed like a good day to write about the fact that I consider myself a childless mother. So when I received Mothers’ Day wishes this year, I simply said ‘Thank you.’ Another reason for not clarifying that I have no children is the fact that it seems to make some people uncomfortable. I’ve had conversations that went like this:

New Acquaintance: So, how many children do you have?
Me: I don’t have children.
New Acquaintance: Sorry.
Me: Why are you sorry? I’m not.
New Acquaintance: Oh….
Me: (Then attempting to put them at ease, although I’m not sure why I bother) I got married only at 41………..
By the time I’m done, their eyes are glazed, because not only do I have no children, I’m not sorry about it, and perhaps they’re now wondering whether I’ve been married before…. and they simply don’t know what to say.

Don’t I sometimes wish I had children? I would be lying if I said ‘No.’ But I’ve accepted this far better than I would have if you told me when I was 20 that I wouldn’t be having children. And honestly, I’ve had the chance to mother kids, as I explain here.

A version of the post first appeared on Parentous.

A Childless Mother

You watch an infant having a tantrum, holding her breath and getting blue in the face. You tell her screaming mother not to panic and try to divert the child’s attention. Instead, the mom turns on you with: ” What do you know? You have no children!”

It’s the same thing you hear when you advise a friend that her 14 year old son is old enough to take the school bus or public transport. But no, she insists on dropping him and picking him up from school herself.

When a 17 year old, obviously has serious issues at home, gets into a fight at school every day and is eventually imprisoned for petty crime, you counsel the parents. You tell them that their son is actually a soft-hearted kid and very smart. He’s hanging out with the wrong crowd because he wants attention. They look at you as if you’re insane. They know their son is a no-good fellow who needs a sound thrashing. After all, what do you know, you don’t have kids.

Yes, I don’t have kids. It’s not by choice, but by circumstance.

The fact that I have no children does not mean that I don’t understand children. It does not mean that when I tell you not to panic about your child turning blue that I am not worried too. No, I’m telling you that your panic is going to transfer to the kid and make the situation worse. When I tell you to let your son go on his own to school, it does not mean that I am heartless. No, it just means that I believe you’ll be teaching him independence. When I tell you that your son is a good kid, it’s because I’ve taken the time to talk to him as a person and listen to his cries for attention.

I know that if I had children, I would have loved them as fiercely as you do yours.

Sure I would make some errors in judgement in their upbringing. There would have been times that my children would open up better with an uncle, an aunt or a teacher. I would not have been a perfect parent – because there never was a perfect parent.

I am childless and that’s a fact that I’ve come to accept. But, please know, you do not become a parent the moment you give birth to a child. Parenting is something that is learned from practice, but also from openness. Parenting is the skill of relating to a child in such a way that s/he feels secure, loved, cherished and has the freedom to be who s/he is.

I am childless. But my phone rings early in the morning, on a particular day every year and a young man, now in his thirties says, “I want you to be the first one to wish me for my birthday”. When that young man, who used to be the misunderstood 17-year-old, and now a successful manager in an MNC calls you ‘Mom’, you know that even a childless person can be a parent.

What are your views on childless parents?

 

Know When To Quit A Relationship  #FridayReflections

Know When To Quit A Relationship #FridayReflections

“Sometimes we just have to let things go” is something I’ve come to believe very strongly. This is especially true about relationships. I’ve gone from attempting to force people love and respect me, to choosing to love and respect myself first. I’ve learned to realize when to quit a relationship and thought I’d share my ideas with you.

Know When To Quit A Relationship

We often hold on to people in our lives because we value them and we have learned to love them. But, when to quit a relationship? When to know it’s time to leave someone important? When do you stop letting into your life?

When there is abuse.

The abuse need not to be physical. Abuse comes in different forms; it could be verbal or psychological. It could be when a person keeps on getting from you without giving back. It’s when you feel used up after spending your time with them.

When there is no respect.

Whether it’s relationship with friends or your significant other or even with a relative, respect must always be present. When there is no respect, boundaries are crossed, and your rights as a person are violated. Quit a relationship where respect is not present anymore.

When there is no commitment.

If you’re the only person committed to make the relationship work out, then it’s time to quit. A relationship is a two-way street. It is a partnership. When the other person feels like he’s free to do whatever he wants at your expense, or does not make you a part of his plans, it means he’s not committed to you.

When you’re changing in a bad way.

A relationship should be nurturing. It shouldn’t worsen you or kill you softly. It should bring you joy and not sorrow, because what’s the point of spending your life with a person if it only makes you miserable?

When you hold each other back.

In life, staying stuck is as good as being dead. When your partner or someone in your life keeps you from reaching your goals, it’s time to quit them. When you find yourself holding back your partner from becoming a better person, it’s time to re-evaluate your motives.

What keeps you in a relationship? What is it that makes you think it’s time to leave? If you’re not happy, if you’re not becoming a better version of yourself, maybe it’s time to walk out the door and never come back. Know when to quit a relationship so you can make room for the good people to come into your life.

You might also like to read the digital version of my article from ‘Complete Wellbeing’ : 5 signs that your friend is just pretending to like you.

#FridayReflections

It’s Friday today and although Sanchie Vee and I had decided to take a break from #FridayReflections through April, I decided to it slightly differently. I’m putting up a linky – and asking you to write on any of the older prompts that you may have liked and missed. I’ll have the same linky up all month through, just on fresh posts. Also, I’m asking for a link back to my blog in your post to prevent people who are writing ‘off prompt’ from adding their links.

If you want to know more about #FridayReflections and find prompts to write on, I’ve created a page with the ‘rules’ and the prompts. So go ahead and have a ball. Remember, to link up here so we can all enjoy your writing.

This post is in response to the prompt “Sometimes we just have to let things go” from 3 June 2016.


Image of heart on a beach via Shutterstock

He Gets Me #FridayReflections

He Gets Me #FridayReflections

Ten years, this year. Yes, that’s how long we’ve been married. We celebrated our anniversary in our quiet way – just the two of us holidaying in Goa – the place we got married in. At the end of ten years, and at the ripe old age of 52, I can say the best part of our marriage is that he gets me! Yes, that’s the biggest blessing, because I’m afraid that most times my family of origin cannot fathom my choices and behavior! They find me a bit too much to handle! Also, I’ve lost quite a few friends over the years because of differences of opinion and the fact  I’ve made not to allow anyone to dictate my choices.

He gets me!

With José it’s easy for me to say what I feel and know that he won’t be shocked. It’s easy to be authentic. He’s not embarrassed by me raising my voice (unlike my Dad who often told me to speak softly) or taking on someone. He gets that I need to stand up for myself.  Quite simply, he gets that I’m an independent woman and gives me the space to be me.

But he also gets my goat! Ha, ha. Yes, today’s prompt is about 5 things about your partner that irritate you and I’m sorry I’m going to throw you under the bus, José.

  1. One of the things that irritates me, is a common problem that I’m sure most women face with their male partners. I dare not share a problem or an issue with him without him starting to give me a solution. Once you understand that men move into problem solving mode because they don’t want you to be hurt or struggle with something, it’s easy to accept.
  2.  Another thing that irritates me is that he’s almost always right.  I’m often quite naive and tend to go headlong into things and generously offer my time and effort to people and causes. He’s pretty good at reading situations and people and will sometimes warn me ahead about how things are going to turn out. Nine times out of ten,  José’s predictions are right.
  3. He’s messier than I am. We’re both pretty messy, especially about our study tables and reading area. Too much stuff and not sorted out too. I guess I’ve always hoped that I’d have someone to clean up for me. No such luck!
  4. He calls me out on bull****. This kind of goes hand in hand with #2.  Now it’s not always a comfortable feeling to have someone telling you that you’re hiding behind excuses. So let me put it down in the ‘things that irritate me’ list, as much as I appreciate it.
  5. He doesn’t like surprises. If you’re a Leo, you’ll know that surprises, gift-giving and receiving are things we love. José does try to surprise me, but for him the best part of romance is in the everyday gestures of love and caring and in buying me things that I need. He puts a lot of effort into planning our vacations too.

The best part of living together for this long is that we’ve learned to accept each other’s craziness. I’m certain José’s list will be double the length of mine, but who cares, he’s stuck with me!

#FridayReflections

If you are new to Friday Reflections, here’s what it’s about. It’s the end of the week, you’re probably exhausted with work, and all you want to do is sit back, put your feet up, sip on some fancy cocktail or wine, and write away. Sanch of Living My Imperfect Life and Everyday Gyaan give you writing prompts and all you have to do is choose any one of those prompts to blog about and link up between Friday and Monday. After you link up, be sure to spread the love by visiting other bloggers who have linked up too.

Feel free to add our Friday Reflections badge to your post or sidebar! Follow us on Twitter @FridayReflect and join our Facebook Group. Share your post on social media with the hashtag #FridayReflections.

Everyday Gyaan

 

Prompts for this week:

  1. Write about something you always think ‘what if…’ about
  2. Valentine’s Day – yay or nay?
  3. 5 things that irritate you about your partner
  4. “Do one thing every day that scares you” – Eleanor Roosevelt. Use this quote in your post or as an inspiration for one.
  5. Picture Prompt (credit: http://everydaygyaan.com)

Our featured writer last week was Mithila for her favourite writing book. You can be our featured writer too. All you need to do is write on one of the prompts and link up below. Remember to read other posts and share the love. Don’t forget to come back on Monday and vote for your favorite post!


Image of older married couple via Shutterstock

Important Rules for a Happy Relationship

Important Rules for a Happy Relationship

Our lives revolve around relationships. A happy relationship with our Maker, partner, family, or friends doesn’t just come about. There are important rules for a happy relationship to happen. As relationships are a huge part of our everyday, it’s necessary to keep it healthy.

A happy relationship needs hard work. It takes effort on both sides to keep it healthy. Some people end up sabotaging their relationships without knowing it. And when they realize, it’s too late.

Here are 5 Important Rules for a Happy Relationship

Rule #1
R-E-S-P-E-C-T

As long as there is mutual respect, there is harmony. As long as you respect the other person, there will be peace even when you don’t always agree. When you respect someone, you will not do anything to hurt their feelings. With respect present, there will be equality, there will not be hurtful words thrown at each other, and there will be consideration. It will be easier to accept that not everyone is the same. People involved in respectful relationships are generally happy.

Rule #2
Always make time.

Whether it’s your spouse, children, friends, or parents, it’s important to make time for the relationship to grow. Always make time for prayers to grow your faith and relationship with God. Aside from family time, schedule a date to spend quality time with your partner and each of your kids. Find time to see or at least chat with a friend. Visit your parents. Relationships die when you fail to nurture it with time. Spending time with the people in your life is one of the most important rules to follow for a happy relationship.

Rick Warren said it best: “Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you can’t make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you’ll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.

It is not enough to just say relationships are important; we must prove it by investing time in them. Words alone are worthless. “My children, our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action.” Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is “T-I-M-E.”

important-rules-for-a-happy-relationship

Rule #3
Be adventurous!

Once in a while, try something new together. Visit a new place and explore together, watch a movie you haven’t seen yet or a movie with a different genre and discover arts together. Try a new hobby. You don’t even have to try a hobby together as being diverse gives you something to talk about. Thus, making you look forward to conversations.

Rule #4
Let others be.

You can’t control the other person. It could get suffocating when parents practice helicopter parenting. When your partner becomes too involved in your life, it can make you lose your sense of identity. It will make you feel as if your privacy has been invaded. This could sabotage any relationship. Give others the time and freewill to do what they want. Allow them to learn on their own. Let the other person grow as an individual so they could contribute better to the relationship. It takes a mature, whole, happy person to make a happy relationship, and not the other way around.

Rule #5
Laugh often.

Never forget and underestimate the power of humor. If you can laugh at your own mistakes, and laugh with each other, of course it’s bound to be a happy relationship. Life is not always about rainbows and butterflies. There will always be storms, bumps along the road, reroutes and dead ends. You need people in your life that will make you see the light no matter how dark it may seem. A happy relationship happens when the people involved choose to make it happen. Choose humor. Laugh often.
There are many rules in life. Rules don’t bind us or strip us of our freedom. On the contrary, rules guide us so we can enjoy life more and avoid unnecessary stress. Same is true with relationships. There are important rules to follow. For a happy relationship to happen, don’t just wish for it to happen. Work on it, and revel in its fruit.

Do you have any rules you’d like to include?

 

Image of paper doll people via Shutterstock

Starting Over

Starting Over

Maybe it’s not always about trying to fix something broken.
Maybe it’s about starting over and creating something better.

A while back, my friend, Lisa Brandel, wrote on her Facebook page ‘The Widow Lady‘ about dealing with the loss of a loved one:

One thing stands true though, after any kind of loss, we “start over” to one degree or another. The relationship is seen in reflection, and sometimes even more clearly. Those things we cherished about the people we lose, well, those sting for a long time after as we come to terms with the fact we will not have that from them again.
There is a unique opportunity……as we see those things that made the person we lost so special to us…we have an opportunity to be that for people we still have in our lives.

While Lisa was most probably referring to the death of a loved one, I began to think about the other losses we have, especially the loss of friendship. In recent years, for one reason or the other, I have lost friends. Some of these people were an integral part of my youth and adulthood, but are no longer friends.

Starting Over

I am much happier and freer without these people in my life – and I say that with no bitterness, but just that it’s the simple truth. There was anger, pain and feelings of betrayal (on both sides, I’m sure). For some time, it was difficult to think of these individuals without the emotions I mentioned.

I am able to look back and remember happier times in these relationships. When I read what Lisa wrote, it struck me that I could also think of some of the qualities that I admired in these people. Although they are no longer a part of my life, I can replace feelings of bitterness with memories of their good qualities. I could go a step further and try to incorporate these qualities in to my life. Wouldn’t that be the perfect healing for these relationships?

starting-over

I would love to hear your views on this.

(Also do visit ‘The Widow Lady‘ – there’s loads of wisdom there!)

 

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