While a divorce can be a good thing and something even immediately celebrated, it brings about change and subsequent feelings of guilt, loneliness, regret, etc. More so, a person needs to take care of themselves in order to love again. Dealing with divorce is not as easy as changing residences and signing divorce papers. It requires emotional healing.
Dealing with Divorce: Picking Up the Pieces and Loving Life Again
Here’s how to heal and love life again:
Divorce can bring an immediate high, especially if one has been living through an unfortunate relationship for a significant time. Also, if one has not been single for years or decades, they may grow excited at the thought of dating other people and having new experiences. Most go through an immediate high and then experience negative emotions as they must get used to a single lifestyle, and change always brings about some levels of stress and anxiety. There’s no reason not to enjoy the immediate feelings of bliss, but it’s necessary to understand it will subside.
Many feel like a friend or family member is the right person to talk to about feelings. However, close ties and relationships can obscure problems and impede solutions, a reason why counselors, otherwise strangers, help people through medical and personal issues. Find a designated confidante, one who you can trust and talk to about your feelings. You’ll go through a range of feelings, all or most that are healthy. It’s important to have someone who will listen to you. It doesn’t have to be a ‘close’ friend, just a good listener.
People think of ‘life’ as a linear sequence, with hopes, dreams, and expectation. It’s an awful lot of pressure to put on a person, relationship, marriage, career, etc. Rather than think of the divorce as a failed life ‘goal,’ reconsider the way you think about the future. For one, it’s excitingly unknown. Sure, there are goals to work towards, yet some elements are out of your control. Perhaps understanding that you’re always getting closer to your destiny is a more positive way to view the future and to get through an immediate divorce or trial in life.
As mentioned, you’ll go through a range of feelings that are mostly healthy. However, some people have a more difficult time adjusting to change itself, being single, having to move residences or even states, and going through a modification in their social life (Some pals may feel alienated, being ‘better friends’ with an ex.) A counselor can help you distinguish between healthy and unhealthy feelings. For example, a loss of excitement or motivation is common yet unfortunate. However, thoughts of suicide or becoming emotionally closed off to others, even those closest to you, is not healthy and needs remedy before things spiral out of control.
Idle time is the enemy in times of emotional crisis. If you’re bad at being spontaneous or finding things to occupy your time, make an effort to find a hobby or make definite plans with friends throughout the week. A person’s passion is displaced during a breakup. They had strong emotions toward a person and now there is no proper ‘place’ for those feelings. Yet, the energy remains, a reason one needs to find a positive outlet – learning a craft, beginning to jog, forming a company or charity, etc. This may also be a good time to read, Jackson Mississippi Divorce Lawyer: Building the Future You Deserve.
You’ll hear a lot of opinions yet there is no conclusive rule regarding when it’s time to date again. Some people are able to get back out there quickly while others need time to focus on themselves before being serious about another relationship. However, be fair to yourself and others who potentially may develop feelings when you begin dating. Be sure that you are ready, for if you’re not, a new relationship will seem too intimidating and mentally challenging to thrive.
Wise healers and counselors remind us that any challenge introduces an opportunity for improvement. When it’s time, survey your prior relationship. While it’s better off that you did not wind up being with that person, there are lessons to learn. Did you contribute to any unneeded strife due to your own habits, beliefs, etc? Are there things you can do differently in a new relationship that will be conducive to its success? While a divorce is an ending of sorts, don’t deny yourself the opportunity for self-growth and new beginnings.
[box type=”bio”] Archie Adams is a couples therapist who enjoys helping people in turmoil. He also enjoys sharing his tips and insights on a number of family and relationship blogs.[/box]