Looking within, am I willing to even attempt that?

I said ‘attempt’ because it’s not always easy to do this. It’s so much easier to spend time on a whole lot of stuff that keeps me busy and prevents me from spending time with my soul.

What stops me from looking within? Am I afraid of what I’ll find out about myself? Am I afraid that I’ll have to take off the layers of masks that I’ve been putting on for different people and when the real me emerges, I won’t like her?

Lillhagensvan

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. ~ Plato

Yes, perhaps I’m afraid of the light, the light that will reveal all the ‘dark’ parts of me – my biases and prejudices, the parts where I’m holding on to resentments like treasures, the parts that are holding on to old wounds that don’t want to be ‘aired’, the stuff that I’m ashamed to own up to, the jealous side, the part that is so self-satisfied and doesn’t want to grow, the pretences and the insincerity, the insecurities, the anger and the bitterness. Layers well hidden.

Only when I look inwards with honesty am I able to understand myself and my motives. Only then can I start the process of self-acceptance. And only then can I truly grow.

From time to time I do take courage and look within. And I wonder why I am afraid to do this more often. Because when I truly look within, besides all those ‘dark’ parts I mentioned, I also see someone who loves deeply and laughs much, someone who is grateful, someone who is thoughtful. Only when I look within do I see ‘me’!

 

PS: This post was first published as a guest post on a blog that has been shut down. Re-posting it today, because it seemed so relevant to me.
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