Are you rationalizing someone’s behavior in your life and in the process hurting yourself? Don’t.
He seemed to be a nice guy – intelligent, passionate about his work, humorous and good looking to boot. She met him online, and recovering from a recent heart-break, it was easy to be drawn to him. He seemed as eager to meet her as she was. They lived in different cities. She combined some work with travelling to meet him. He had promised to come to the train station to meet her but he wasn’t there. She waited for over an hour for him. He came at last with excuses…
They spent time together but most of the talk centered on his work. She continued to meet him and each visit would hear of how hard pressed he was for money. She did the calling, she did the travelling, she did the spending. He was stressed about his finances, so she took a loan she could ill afford to help him out. All the time, she made excuses for his lack of attention. He yelled at her. He ignored her. Once he refused to meet her when she happened to be in his town on work. She told herself, that he was under stress and she needed to be understanding and giving. She gave and he took….One day, she realized that she was not the only one he was in a relationship with…..
That’s when it hit her that she had been living a lie. For months on end, she had sensed that he was a liar and a cheat, but she didn’t want to rock the boat and risk losing the ‘relationship’. She had protected herself from that pain, by rationalizing every action of his….making excuses for all his bad behavior….
One day she kicked herself out of this sick rationalization and faced the reality. The reality hurt. But not as much as the constant demoralization of living that lie of a relationship.