Do you find ‘triggers’ from your past coming back to haunt your present sometimes?
Last night, JosĂ© (my husband) was teasing me about something I asked him to do and called me a ‘bully’. At first I pretended to be hurt about it, and kept teasing him back….And as I continued, I found that I was genuinely upset…Consequently, I woke up this morning feeling rather low. Thankfully, I snapped out of this mood, about half an hour after I got up. But I can see, how this could have continued…..
As I analysed why this happened, I realized that there are parts of me that I haven’t fully come to terms with. I think that deep within, I’m still not comfortable with being a strong and assertive woman. Messages from my past tell me to be soft-spoken, to be non-assertive, to be a ‘gentlewoman’. So for many years, I pretended to be all those things and people thought I was ‘sweet’. When I did assert myself, it made people uncomfortable enough to call me aggressive. And although I know that JosĂ© is comfortable with my assertiveness and even encourages me to be so, I still haven’t accepted it fully myself.