They’ve been coming on for some days now. Feelings of unease, lethargy and discontent. Something I can’t put my finger on. Unhappy with myself – who I am, what I’m doing.
Nothing really sets them off. At one level, I’m oversensitive to how people behave towards me during this time, and at another I couldn’t care less about anyone else! (There, I said it!)
I start to wonder about the meaning of life and if I’ve made a difference to any one at all.
I begin to feel that I need to start all over again. To re-invent myself, perhaps.
The overall feeling is one of disinterest in all I do.
Do these feelings negate all the positive stuff I write? I think not.
They are a part of who I am. I have finally learned to own these feelings. To accept that they will come. To talk about them. And now to write about them.
I’ve learned not try and change the way I feel during such times. But to just wallow in these feelings knowing that this too shall pass.
I’ve learned to be aware and present to my feelings during this time. I no longer despair. I cannot control the dark days, but I can be open to what they teach me about myself and about life. This too is self-acceptance.
Dark days. They help me appreciate the many, many bright ones.
“it’s not about controlling. it’s about being present. being open, being aware – and allowing it to come.” Terri St. Cloud
Do you experience similar times?
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