I’m looking for a scarlet letter to hang around my neck – only the ‘A’ will stand for Accused. Let me explain.
Here’s a message I received on Facebook yesterday – sent by one person on behalf of herself and two others. To be fair to the other two, I’m not sure if they were party to it. However, they did read it after it was sent and haven’t clarified anything – so one can only assume. The person then went on to block me on Facebook. Therefore, I am responding on my blog.
My Dearest Corrine,
I write with deep gratitude. Thank you for getting us out of our misery. At WT (WriteTribe – a Facebook Group I created), we almost expected our uniforms to be couriered to us, if and when we chose to write. I was almost dreading the passing of permissions for loo breaks. But you were a generous soul, you cared enough to redeem us before that. God Bless you!
And since this is a note of gratitude, let me start at the very beginning. We met, we liked and we became friends. That was the easy part. We continued to be friends and silly ones at that. If anything, I can take the liberty of speaking for the three of us, we genuinely owe you one for getting us together. Now the thing is when you are having fun, time does pass quickly. Cut to the last time we met at my house. Nothing was out of order, or at least that is what it seemed to the rest of us. Perhaps you knew better. If my memory serves me right, you wanted to quit being admin (of a Facebook Group created by her). Ok by me, except that the reasons did not seem solid enough. Maybe, you had something going on, I thought. I playfully said you couldn’t. My humour prior to this was what was cute about me, I am guessing. You tried to peg it on every Terry, Delilah and Harriet, stating that it was you and not them. You magnanimously even posted in the group in good faith to ward off those secret mails that were being sent to you. All good. Except, you weren’t taking a break really. You were moving in a different direction.
We gave you space. You maintained distance. Each one of us tried talking to you in our own way. You, however were not ready to talk. We were not giving up on you, hence we pursued, albeit unsuccessfully. At no point did you mention that you wanted out. You said to let it be. We honestly tried, but in between girlfriends, it doesn’t work like that. You probably thought that to be an intrusion in your space. Well, you see, the way I have been raised, I pretty much attack the problem head on. I probably would have sent this mail way long back, if it wasn’t for a certain dentist who felt time heals everything. We were willing to wait, just that we did not know how long. More importantly we had no clue what was wrong! (Believe me, we still don’t. We can only speculate)
And then there it was one day. Words and actions all rolled into one. Did you know, BTW, that as a contest judge you really can’t interact with contestants about their entries? Especially when the results have not been announced. It is considered breach of contract. I am sure henceforth you will bear this in mind. We all live to learn, don’t we?
We tried a final dash. We decided to meet. And you confused the hell out of us. First you wanted all to be there, then you backed out and then you wanted to meet me alone. We, the sentimental fools waited.
You did not stop there and then your domain became the battleground where you dished out orders. Perfectly fine but uniformity was lacking. The years of conscientious efforts of a friend were overthrown, overnight while others who sailed in the same boat were given floaters for added protection. And you locked yourself in a high tower where apparently questions could not reach you. Must be a network problem, as always. To add to that you tried sarcasm over a simple blog transfer. Gee, that must have bruised your ego bad, huh? I understand. Poor you.
And then began the ‘woe is me charade’. Yes, we believed you. But heck woman, no one and I mean no one can dictate to YOU, of all the people, what to post and where. You, my dear lady are anything but fragile and naïve. You don’t spare anybody who crosses your path. So it is amusing to hear stories about how you were bullied. And in all honesty if you were, can we have the address of the one who did? She deserves a badge of honour.
Alright, so this is not a let’s get back together post. We’ve passed that station way back. This is closure. We are moving on and we have the grace to tell you to your face. There is nothing left to salvage. Though by your behavioral patterns, it looks like your friendship comes with an expiry date of a year. Then you go into a zone where you need novelty. So seeking you go. The people you hung around with, suddenly are flawed. Some molly coddle their sons, some are not qualified from an institute certified by you, some you find gay and some you find just OTT. Then there are those who you feel demand too much attention, those whose writing you shun but give their books multiple stars and those who you chided at washing their dirty linen in public. And after some time, you send them feelers to reconnect and it’s amazing how effortlessly you put a person from ‘a has-been’ to ‘current heart throb’ in jiffy. Need to learn that goddamn art. You are super woman, take a bow.
If this note makes you angry or hurt, remember, you’ve served us the same dish, piping hot. And disagreements are a way of life. The matured thing would be to openly talk about it. We tried, however, you felt it easier to write than to talk. And that for a motivational speaker is a tad bit odd, isn’t it? Unless, of course……………
After all this, we don’t hate you. We feel bad this ended the way it did. If you felt inadequate or intimidated, it was because you were a prisoner of your thoughts. We never put you there. To us you were a friend and will always remain the one who got us together. Maybe sometime, in the future, we may walk the same path. We will cross that bridge when we come to it. Till then, it is sayonara. Stay blessed and may you find the peace that you are looking for.
1. Being judgmental – Yes, I am. It’s not something I am proud of either.
2. Being dictatorial – If making rules and applying them in a Facebook Group and trying to get people to follow them is dictatorial – then I am guilty of this too. However, by her own admission, it was torture and I did her a favor by removing her – a right which I had reserved from the start of the Group.
3. Conversing with participants of a contest when I was the judge – guilty. I conversed with the participant as a ‘friend’ to clarify whether she was taking part in the competition or taking pot shots at me. However, if she thought it affected her scores – then she’s got an inflated notion of her own writing. There were others who were streets ahead – and I was not the only judge.
4. Re-connecting with people who I have had a fallout with in the past – if that’s a wrongdoing – then I’m certainly guilty.
5. Other character flaws – having a big ego, being immature, dropping and picking up friends at will. Debatable – but then it’s her/their perception and it is a free world. I’m also accused of being sarcastic – and I will readily admit to that fault.
6. Dropping out from being admin of a Facebook group she created – guilty.
7. Starting my own thing – guilty. It was no secret – I created a blog and group and she and the other two were members of the group.
9. Ignoring the calls for meetings to clarify. Clarify what? There’s not much to clarify when someone has decided I’m a nasty person, is there?
10. Friendships coming with a one year expiry date – I am guilty of smiling at this!
11. Not living up to being a motivational speaker. If she means that a motivational speaker has to be perfect, then I’m so guilty of not being perfect.
Yes, I am NOT perfect. I’m not sure I will be in this lifetime, either. I am very aware of my weaknesses. I have no illusions about myself nor am I striving to create some image of being Ms Nice.
It’s possible that because of this post and my admission of ‘guilt’ I will lose some friends, readers and followers, but I’m willing to risk that. You see, in a strange way I’m not attached to the blogs or the Facebook Group I have created. I know they will run their course and will go into oblivion at some point. They are just creations – they don’t define me. Just the way these three women can never define me.
I am a work-in-progress, flaws and all.
PS: I’m disabling comments on this post. I know some readers will be put in an awkward spot and I don’t need you to take sides on this.