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Finding Positivity During Chaos

When I talk about finding positivity during chaos, I am actually talking about trying to be positive during the inner turmoil that happens within each one of us, when we go through stressful situations and are tackling our inner demons.

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Since the past five years, my life has been thrown into chaos for various reasons, some of which, I willingly chose to go through and some things that crash landed in my life and has a left a huge crater of confusion, depression and negativity strewn around.

Whenever we come across stressful situations, our initial reaction is anger, frustration, negative thoughts and we end up asking the question, ‘Why me?’

I had this same reaction, when I realised that I can never have my own biological child. The best way I could handle was writing about my pain, in order to help others like me, who didn’t know how to deal with this situation.

I never knew that so many people will get in touch with me after reading my blog. I never knew that my words gave them the courage to come forward and talk about their own pain.

  • Sharing my grief on my blog was my first step towards positivity. Sharing not only lightened the burden, it also gave me the opportunity to help others to become more positive and find the courage to face situations. I realised that I was not alone and that gave me a big dose of positivity.
  • Identifying negative thoughts helps me to stop from getting bitter.
  • To handle the stress effectively, I started practising Yoga and meditation. It helped to calm my mind and to reduce my anger. I am able to concentrate much better on the tasks at hand.
  • I have surrounded myself with friends, especially ones who make me laugh.
  • There are still days when things look very bleak and I know I am slowly sliding towards the darkness, I pick up the phone and call my family who have been a source of strength for me on many such days.
  • I have also been trying to have positive conversations with myself. I am learning not to say those things to myself that I will never say to others. I am learning to change my negative thoughts by asserting what good I have in me.
  • Finally realising and accepting the fact that sometimes things are not under my control.

Being positive even in chaos cannot happen magically, it takes time and a lot of practice and patience. After all, learning to be positive at all times is a habit and learning a new habit always takes time.

The first step towards learning to be positive is accepting that there is a need for change and then taking the first step towards that change.

When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves. ~ Viktor Frankl

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. ~ Viktor Frankl

 

vinitakVinita Kherdekar owns “The Scribbling Pad”, a Content Writing and Editing Company. She is also an avid blogger, and blogs under the name “Lazy Pineapple”. She has completed her MBA in Marketing and a Diploma in Advertising and Public Relations. Vinita helps organizations build up their brand images through effective content writing for their websites and ad campaigns. She also edits and rewrites MBA admission essays and SOP’s for students planning to study abroad.

 

 

46 Comments

  1. Privy Trifles Privy Trifles March 8, 2013

    You took me back to almost 7 years of time when I was surrounded by a personal tragedy. Sadly for me I could never confide into people as that tragedy had occurred after some very closed ones ditched me. It was a very challenging time for me to cope up, esp when I was all alone as I was striding my way towards depression.

    That is when perhaps something in me kicked myself for being such a dumb loser and things never went that way till now. I agree with you, writing is really a tremendous outlet and I thrive on it 🙂
    Lovely,inspiring, touching and motivating post Vinita, glad to know you <3

    HUGS

  2. Inspiring Citizen Rafi Inspiring Citizen Rafi March 8, 2013

    Hello Active Lazy Pineapply,

    Vinita, you are just amazing because of the positive energy you are spreading around the world and if people practice all the things that you have mentioned then definitely there will be more positivity in this world.

    All my best wishes and love for your amazing work. Will come to lazy pineapple and will read more about your feelings from there.

    Sincerely,
    Rafi

  3. Roshni Roshni March 8, 2013

    It’s not easy to stay strong and positive in the face of any adversity. I can’t imagine the pain that you must have gone through. I’m truly awed with the way you share your story and the process you go through to deal with it!

  4. Galen Pearl Galen Pearl March 8, 2013

    Yes, as others said, a very inspiring post indeed. And it’s no wonder that so many people respond to your writing. I think when people are open and share themselves in a genuine way, especially their challenges, others feels safe to respond in kind. Thank you for sharing your story and your wisdom. (That Frankl quotes is one of my favorites.)

  5. Punam J R Punam J R March 7, 2013

    Great thoughts, but very tough to follow. In deep pain, everything else fades away, and perhaps time is the best healer.. once the haze passes away, after that, the mind gathers enough courage to do what you have listed above… I believe we need to have a certain degree of conscious willingness to do these much-needed actions in times of crises. I for sure have picked up the phone and spoken to a couple of good friends, and this gives enough courage to pull on for some time. Unfortunately, the abyss returns. Invariably.
    Thanks for sharing these, Vinita.

  6. Brenda Brenda March 7, 2013

    Hi Vinta – well said. We each have our own road to travel and when faced with something difficult we all handled it in our way. I suspect most of us get so wrapped up in the moment we don’t see clearly and don’t always react optimally, we’re human. Your words are inspiring and a reminder how a person can get through the pain/hurt.

    • Lazy Pineapple Lazy Pineapple March 8, 2013

      Hi Brenda,

      Thanks for your kind words. Yes we get immersed in the pain and it is very natural. Only after we have purged ourselves of the bitterness can we look at our pain differently and learn ways to reduce the pain.

  7. Amit Amit March 7, 2013

    This was such an inspiring story. When we are going through pain, it is hard to think straight leave alone approaching it with a sensible mind. You need great courage to do that and then go ahead and talk about it.

    • Lazy Pineapple Lazy Pineapple March 8, 2013

      Thanks Amit. I agree, when we are in pain the whole world seems to be collapsing around us. AT that time, we need to get all the support we can and learn to shift our focus and find meaning in our life.

  8. Viren Viren March 7, 2013

    You are one brave soul, how I wish I could just hug you right now and tell you that all is well. Thanks for sharing

    • Lazy Pineapple Lazy Pineapple March 8, 2013

      Hi Viren,

      Thanks. It is all because of the support of my family and friends. Hugs to you as well. Thanks for your concern. Take care.

  9. Vishnu Vishnu March 7, 2013

    Vinita – thanks for sharing your story and sharing how you deal with chaos in your life. All your tips are spot on. We can’t control our circumstances but we can control how we respond to the including all the ways you mentioned. I find the last one most powerful and have learned that really not many things are in our control. We can plan it, want it, take action towards it but ultimately what happens happens. Coming to terms with that and accepting that is a good practice to manage life’s curve balls.

    • Lazy Pineapple Lazy Pineapple March 8, 2013

      Dear Vishnu,

      Thanks for reading my post. I am glad you liked my tips. I have struggled to deal with things just like everyone else and one day I stopped struggling and accepted that some things cannot be controlled. These tough experiences do teach you something…always. It is just that we should be ready to accept that teaching.

  10. Melissa Tandoc Melissa Tandoc March 7, 2013

    I find staying positive and calm during storms always a challenge. I’ve been taught many times how to ‘ see the other side’ of every situation. However, when I’m already in it, panic sets in. I ground my positivity in God and acceptance of my fragility.
    I haven’t visited your blog but I always read your comments in Corinne’s. Thank you for sharing this post.
    I’m glad to have found another beautiful soul through Corinne. Lots of love always!

    • Lazy Pineapple Lazy Pineapple March 8, 2013

      Hi Melissa,

      I agree it is a big challenge when you are deep in the abyss, it does take a lot of willpower to pull yourself out of the situation. I tried an failed many times and still do..but the point is to never give up.

      Yes Corinne is a wonderful person and am in awe of her blog and her writing. Sending you peace and strength 🙂

  11. C. Suresh C. Suresh March 7, 2013

    It requires courage to share pain but the rewards are high. Cliches become cliches by being true and the cliche ‘Sorrow shared is sorrow halved, joy shared is joy doubled’ is as true as the rest.

    And, yes, we do tend to magnify our sorrows by building negativity in our minds instead of minimizing them by positivity.

    Well-written and useful post.

    • Lazy Pineapple Lazy Pineapple March 7, 2013

      Thanks Suresh 🙂

      Earlier I could not share my pain, but I slowly learned to let people in and I felt much better when I talked about it.

      When pain is held inside for too long it definitely manifests into something ugly and can even consume a person.

  12. Jessica Jessica March 7, 2013

    Seems like you have made some beautiful and encouraging connections through blogging. I’ve found that to be an unexpected and very welcomed byproduct of blogging. 😉

    • Lazy Pineapple Lazy Pineapple March 7, 2013

      Hi Jessica,

      Yes I have. My blogger friends have been always supportive and I thank them for it.

  13. Lisa Lisa March 7, 2013

    What an inspiring post Vaniti. Positive self talk is a must to pick oneself up. Having friends to turn to is a blessing too, I can’t imagine life without good friends.

    I haven’t visited this blog in a while and I love the new look!

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues March 7, 2013

      Thanks for coming by, Lisa. As a matter of fact I changed the template only last night to reflect my theme of simplicity. I’m keeping it simple this year – and hopefully hereafter! 😉

  14. janika R janika R March 7, 2013

    Great Piece of writing. I agree with sharing with people but I can not agree with sharing it on blog (open to millions of people). You can never totally know the implications.

    • Lazy Pineapple Lazy Pineapple March 7, 2013

      Hi Janika,

      Thanks. Yes sharing does help. It depends on each one’s attitude about sharing. When I shared my pain on my blog, I was able to connect to many people just like me. It helped me.

  15. janu janu March 6, 2013

    There are many people who hide their pain, but like you, I too believe in sharing. You never know where the help comes from and in which form. We have to fight our own battles and win it too…so, hat’s off to you. You inspire.

    • Lazy Pineapple Lazy Pineapple March 7, 2013

      I agree, there are people out there who will give the support you need, we only have to share our pain with them. Thanks Janu.

  16. Cairn Rodrigues Cairn Rodrigues March 6, 2013

    After the last time my life came crashing down around my ears, I became consumed with the ways of chaos. I surrendered to the chaos and was chaotic as a result, it was wonderful. I was miserable, confused, angry and yet it was wonderful. I opened up to the chaos, I learned its true nature and now I understand the value of chaos. We need chaos as much as peace, chaos is the tough love that peace cannot be and it comes into our lives precisely when we need it the most. Good blog today.

    • Lazy Pineapple Lazy Pineapple March 7, 2013

      I agree Cairn, chaos is necessary for us otherwise life will be so boring and mundane. I am glad you liked my post.

  17. Bhagyashree Bhagyashree March 6, 2013

    This is such a wonderful post. Many times I have been told that I focus on negatives and I shouldn’t really do that. And I say no telling about the black spots of life are necessary, it gives others comfort that they have company 🙂
    And yes accepting ourselves as we are is very important to move forward

    • Lazy Pineapple Lazy Pineapple March 7, 2013

      Thanks Bhagyashree. It is very natural for us to become negative when things don’t go our way. The trick is to learn how not to do it. It takes patience and lots of practice.

  18. Joe Joe March 6, 2013

    From the points that you have listed out, the two that are most effective is Yoga and surrounding yourself with happy people.
    These two make a lot of difference.

    • Lazy Pineapple Lazy Pineapple March 7, 2013

      Hi Joe, Yoga has helped me to focus better. The feeling of calm that you experience after a yoga session is what helps you not lose control easily. Happy and positive people make everyday seem as a new beginning 🙂

  19. Rachna Rachna March 6, 2013

    Sometimes talking about our pain really helps mitigate it. Having a positive approach to challenges is so crucial to life. My challenges and disappointment may be different from yours, but the approach to handle them constructively is actually same. I do admire your openness and grit!

    • Lazy Pineapple Lazy Pineapple March 6, 2013

      Thanks Rachna.

      I agree that the way to deal with chaos and the downs in life remains the same for us. I believe that only when we pass through fire can we be tempered properly. That is what life is all about. Facing problems by being strong helps you to remain positive.

  20. Harleena Singh Harleena Singh March 6, 2013

    Hi Vinita, and welcome to Corinne’s blog!

    I loved the way you wrote that truly is an inspiration to many who are in a similar situation. I agree, life isn’t easy and it takes a lot of time, patience, courage and will-power to find positivity during such a chaos in our lives. However, if we are determined – we do find it – isn’t it?

    Yes indeed, we need to accept the fact that there is a problem in the first place and then find ways to overcome it. Yoga and meditation do help a great deal as well, so do talking to family and friends. Another thing I do is listen to music or go long walks to take my mind away from things.

    The best way to help yourself in such a situation is to share your feelings that lighten you, and try your best to help others – there can be nothing more soothing than that I feel. When you are able to share your experiences and feelings with others, you kind of relate to them and help them overcome their problems too.

    Thanks for sharing. 🙂

    • Lazy Pineapple Lazy Pineapple March 6, 2013

      Thanks Harleena 🙂

      It takes practice and patience. Being positive when your heart and mind tells you to think otherwise is definitely tough. We usually forget our bearing in the midst of chaos, that is when we need to find our centre and be strong.

      Thanks for sharing what you do to find positivity.

  21. Shilpa Garg Shilpa Garg March 6, 2013

    This is such an inspiring post, Vinita. True, a positive frame of mind helps us to visualize happiness, joy and favorable results and when we do that, the inner demons give way for peace and tranquility to seep in. Proud of you! Hugs 🙂

    • Lazy Pineapple Lazy Pineapple March 6, 2013

      Thanks Shilpa 🙂 yes when we are positive things look bright and there is hope. Hugs ♥

  22. G Angela G Angela March 6, 2013

    I liked your post, and it does make a lot of sense, sharing our pain with our friends definitely helps us to cope with tough situations of our lives. I would also add that it makes us less judgmental and more compassionate. Apart from all that you have mentioned, practicing gratitude everyday in our lives will keep us always in a positive mode and happy. Thanks for sharing !

    • Lazy Pineapple Lazy Pineapple March 6, 2013

      Thanks Angela. Yes, sharing our pain definitely makes us less judgemental. I guess most of us are hesitant to share our troubles with people is only because we are scared of what people will think.

      I will imbibe the point of practising gratitude..just like you have suggested. Thanks.

  23. Akanksha Dureja Akanksha Dureja March 6, 2013

    A very inspiring post! Haven’t we all heard that happiness increases and sadness decreases when shared. We seem to forget things taught in primary school, only to discover them later. Clinging to teachings like this one could be a great help in tough times. Loved reading this post.

    • Lazy Pineapple Lazy Pineapple March 6, 2013

      Thanks Akanksha. Yes I agree. When we are in pain, we try to bury it deep in our heart rather than sharing it with our close family and friends. They are the best support system for us.

  24. Alka Gurha Alka Gurha March 6, 2013

    I remember reading your post. Somehow I am not able to share my pain in the virtual world. But sharing with close friends helps. You are so right about changing self when other things cannot be changed.

    • Lazy Pineapple Lazy Pineapple March 6, 2013

      I understand many people are not comfortable with sharing their pain. If you have a circle of fiends who are supportive, I guess that works too.

      I feel that to get over moments of chaos we need to change our perspective and look at things differently.

  25. Ruchira Ruchira March 6, 2013

    What a wonderful post Vinita. Sometimes in life we are faced with situations we can do nothing about and only positive thinking helps then. I like your idea of yoga and meditation. That is something I am trying to inculcate in my life.
    I think you are one brave soul. Hugs !

    • Lazy Pineapple Lazy Pineapple March 6, 2013

      Thanks Ruchira. I am glad you liked the post.
      All of us have ups and downs in life and need a dose of positivity every now and then. We all have to find our own way to being more positive.

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