Earlier this year, I decided to start working every day of the week at the organization I was supposed to work at 3 times a week (for no extra income). I was coming home late. I was attempting to lose myself in work, perhaps. All this was taking a toll on our home life, but I didn’t seem to care. José tried to tell me that I was acting weird. But I would take offence at what he said. I would constantly break into tears. I remember more than once telling José that he couldn’t understand me (since I couldn’t understand myself) and asking him to go easy on me because I was at breaking point. I seemed to be saying, “I’m fragile. Handle with care.” Thankfully, certain events in that organization made some red flags go up and I quit completely.
Handle With Care
I know now that I was grieving the loss of my Mom, the imminent loss of my Dad and the total breakdown of communication and trust with my siblings.
Despite my poor choices, I am grateful that for the first time I admitted my vulnerability and fragility. For a woman who has tried to be a rock for many others, who buried years of pain and heartache behind a smile, this was a huge breakthrough.
I learned that it’s okay to be broken. It’s more than okay to admit it.I learned that it's okay to be broken. It's more than okay to admit it.Click To Tweet
I also learned that we are all broken. And that’s the beauty of our shared humanity.
In Brendan, (Frederick Buechner’s novel about a sixteenth-century Irish saint), a servant recounts a conversation between Brendan and Gildas, a crippled and bitter old priest.
“I am as crippled as the dark world,” Gildas says.
“If it comes to that, which one of us isn’t my dear?” Brendan replies.
Gildas with but one leg. Brendan sure he’s misspent his whole life entirely. I who had left my wife to follow him and buried our only boy. The truth of what Brendan said stopped all our mouths. We was cripples all of us…
“To lend each other a hand when we’re falling,” Brendan said, “Perhaps that is the only work that matters in the end.”
As I admit my vulnerability, I realize I must be more aware of the brokenness of others too. This calls for having a big heart – one that sees beyond the obvious and reaches out, a heart that forgives, a heart that realizes that bad behaviour might really be a cry for help. All we can do is lend each other a hand and handle each other with care.
Friday Reflections is a link up hosted by Shalini at KohlEyed Me and me, Corinne at Everyday Gyaan. We invite you to join us every Friday to share a good cup of tea and your reflections.
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You can find the prompts for today (7 September 2018) here.
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