Today I’m happy to host Corrie Sirota here. Corrie’s book, Someone Died… Now What?, is out now and I requested her to guest post here. I will also be sharing my review of the book and a fantastic giveaway.
Corrie Sirota holds a Masters degree in Social Work as well as a Graduate Certificate in Loss and Bereavement from McGill University (Montreal) where she has been teaching as a lecturer in the School of Social Work for over 20 years. Corrie is a licensed psychotherapist who currently maintains a private practice specializing in Loss and Bereavement, Parenting issues and Relationship issues. She is a well-known lecturer who regularly presents at conferences and workshops, both locally and abroad. Working in the Montreal Community for over 2 decades, Corrie has developed numerous prevention and intervention programs for families, children and professionals, students and various community agencies as well as Day and Residential Camps.
Corrie has also written numerous articles and blog posts and is regularly interviewed on local radio, news and TV programs to consult on issues relating to loss and bereavement, Child Development and Parenting.
How to comfort someone who is grieving
Why do we even have to ask this question? It’s as if when a death occurs something happens to us that makes us uncomfortable and all common sense goes out the window.
People who are grieving are not ill, they are sad, they are hurting, they need to know that their world (that was just turned upside down) is going to find a sense of equilibrium again.
The Problem is – Grievers don’t know that.
The Solution: It doesn’t matter what they know or don’t know – as a multitude of factors will be at play in relation to how the mourners will cope.
My suggestion is simple: Rather than stressing about ‘doing the right thing’ or ‘the wrong thing’ – just do something! All the while keeping in mind who the mourner is – they are not you, therefore, their needs and what they may want will be very different from what you think will be helpful.
For example:One family I worked with, the mother had died suddenly. When friends came into the house, in their effort to help they moved, reorganized and changed the family’s entire kitchen. This act, albeit done for support, was very unsettling to the family.
Therefore, before you jump into action – stop and ask them, “What do you need now?” If they can’t answer, don’t despair, suggest some concrete things e.g. car pool, cook a meal, run an errand. Be there. Listen.
Do not compare your losses, or shy aware. Do not say “I know how you feel”. Let them guide you through discussions.
Remember triggers such as holidays, anniversaries and birthdays. You can’t take away the pain but you can comfort the mourner by simply remembering to remember!
~ Corrie Sirota
Corrie’s book Someone Died… Now What? is a GPS for grieving. Corrie Sirota provides Guidance, Perspective and Support to help navigate through the grief process. Whether someone you love has died or someone you know is struggling with a loss, this book addresses many of the issues and questions that surface, providing concrete assistance on what to do immediately following a death, how to deal with feelings of sadness, anger and guilt, non-death losses and how to support grieving children. You will learn that grief is an ongoing process, and is as unique and individual as you are.
My review: [rating=4]
If you’ve just lost a loved one or are still grieving, Corrie’s statement that ‘grief is a process, not an event’ holds good for you. The book helps you understand the grieving process and your own responses to the death of a loved one. I appreciate that the author included an entire chapter on the ‘forgotten mourners’ – children.
I also found the chapter on ‘secondary losses’ very interesting. When we lose someone, we also lose a role – an integral part of ourselves. For example, a wife ceases to be a wife when she loses a husband, and the loss of a sibling is a loss of your role as a brother or a sister. Also, often such losses bring accompanying financial loss, which make the situation even harder. The book guides readers in the direction of finding their ‘new normals’, as the author calls them.
The book also deals with ‘non-death’ losses and how we process them. It also offers good advice on how we can comfort mourners.
This is a fantastic resource book for us all. Because we’ve all suffered loss at sometime or the other.
Win 1 of 5 copies of Someone Died: Now What?
Two winners will also receive 1 of 2 $10 Amazon gift cards
Please note that this Rafflecopter and Giveaway is hosted by iRead Book Tours and is being hosted across several blogs. They are overseeing the drawing and assume full responsibility for all aspects of this contest, including notification and prize fulfillment.
Disclosure: I received a copy of this book from iRead Book Tours to review. However, the opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own.
Linking in to the Literacy Musing Mondays Blog Hop on Mary-andering Creatively.