The Courage To Stay Rooted

My theme for the month is “courage,” and October is teaching me the value of quiet courage – the kind that keeps me rooted.

The Courage To Stay Rooted

I’ve been reflecting on the questions which were the prompts for our Write Bravely group for October.

Courage to look within

What am I afraid to acknowledge about where I am right now?

That I’m tired. Properly tired, the kind where I can’t do one more thing, however much I’d like to believe I can. And that I’m disappointed in some relationships I’ve been quietly making excuses for. And that doesn’t feel okay anymore.

I’ve spent so much time looking outside myself for connection that I’m beginning to wonder if I needed to start by looking within. For years, my instinctive response has been, I’ll manage. It’s not worth making a fuss. I’ll sort myself out later. And when you’ve spent so long being the dependable one, the person others can count on, you can almost forget to check in with yourself. You stop asking a simple but important question: What do I need? Maybe it’s time I started asking that question more often.

Turning towards myself isn’t selfish, and it doesn’t mean turning away from the people I love. I can only be honest with them once I’m honest with myself.

Courage to be myself

Where am I still performing, pleasing or shrinking?

I’ve often called it keeping the peace. I stay quiet to avoid upsetting anyone, soften my words, say yes when I mean no, and tell people I’m fine when I’m not. But perhaps that’s not peace at all. It’s avoidance dressed up as kindness.

The unsaid words don’t disappear. They often turn into resentment, sadness, or a quiet disconnection from ourselves.

I’m learning that honesty doesn’t have to be unkind, and kindness shouldn’t mean hiding how I feel. Sometimes it’s simply saying, “I can’t take this on right now”, or ‘I’m really not up to having a conversation at this time”, or “I need some space.” Managing the other’s response to my boundary, is not my work.

It may not always be comfortable, but I’d rather learn to speak honestly than keep abandoning myself to keep everyone else happy.

Sometimes courage is simply saying, “I need help,” or even admitting to myself, “I’m not okay today.”

Courage to choose

What do I need to say yes to, and what do I need to release?

I need to say yes to rest, to help, and to being looked after. I carry on partly because I don’t want to be a burden and partly because I’m so used to being the one others lean on. But connection can’t thrive if one person is always holding everything together. Sometimes the brave thing is to loosen my grip and let someone in.

I also need to release things that have grown too small. Letting go can bring grief. I often ask myself if I am holding on to be honest or because I fear the unknown. From the inside, those feelings can seem the same. Letting go does not mean throwing away the past. I can honor what something meant to me while admitting my life is moving forward.

Courage to move forward

What is one small brave step I can take while remaining rooted in what matters?

What quiet courage means every morning not turning on my laptop and stop scrolling on my phone and spend an hour journaling, reading a non-fiction book, reading scripture, and doing a mindful challenge on Insight Timer.

On the days I fail, I am allowed to go easy on myself. I do not need a mapped-out path. I do not need to be fearless. I do not need to become harder to become stronger.

I can remain open-hearted and gentle while learning to stand firmly in who I am. I only need to be willing, one honest and compassionate choice at a time.

So, what did courage look like for you this October? I’d love to hear in the comments.