I shared with you a review of a lovely book called, I Choose You Today, a short while back. When I saw the #MarchMarriageChallenge, I couldn’t help thinking of the book and also wanting to join in with Melissa Ann of The Eyes Of A Boy and several other fabulous bloggers.Click on the image below to find the links to the other blogs in this challenge.
The Importance of Respect In A Marriage
If you were to ask me what I’d choose in marriage, love or respect, I’d go with respect. I know you’re going to tell me that love is so much more than respect and that love includes respect. You might even tell me that love trumps everything and that even when we can’t respect someone, we can love them. I’m still going to choose respect.
To me love is rather difficult to define, whereas respect is easy to identify. I think, love is more a feeling, while respect is evidenced in behaviour.
“The truest form of love is how you behave toward someone, not how you feel about them.”
― Steve Hall
What is respect in a marriage?
When you respect your partner, you understand that she is a unique individual and not a reflection of you. He is not an object you own. You learn how to respect the other’s needs and to mesh your own needs with theirs, so that both of you can work towards what you want to achieve. You don’t control, manipulate or try to change her or into what you want her to be.
How can we show respect in our marriage?
# 1 – Make sure you speak well of your spouse to others. If you are having problems in your marriage speak to someone (preferably a qualified person) in private. Don’t put your spouse down in public. It shows a lack of respect and doesn’t reflect well on you.
# 2 – Respect his/her family of origin. Our spouses might not agree with their families from time to time. Leave them to deal with their families. Don’t humiliate his or her family.
# 3 – Show common courtesies. Although it’s nice to let your hair down with your spouse, it’s also important to be polite, kind and respectful of his time and personal space.
# 4 – Examine your own behaviour and responses from time to time. There are times you might feel frustrated with your spouse. Check if it’s their behaviour that is causing the problem, or your own unresolved issues.
# 5 – Don’t argue in public. Nothing is more embarrasing than having a husband and wife argue in front of you. You might lose your temper, but keep discussions and arguments to resolve in private.
“I wish that people who are conventionally supposed to love each other would say to each other, when they fight, ‘Please — a little less love, and a little more common decency’.”
― Kurt Vonnegut
# 6 – Be quick to apologize. Own your mistakes and acknowledge the hurt feelings of the other.
# 7 – Show gratitude. Look for the good qualities in your spouse and acknowledge them. Thank her for all she is and him for all he does.
# 8 – Seek her opinion. Actively seek your spouse’s opinion on things. Often their perspective on a situation will throw new light on a problem you might be facing.
#9 – Don’t be sneaky. I’ve often seen wives hiding information about spending, etc from their husbands, even if they are earning. And husbands, will go out for a drink and pretend it was work. Dishonesty is definitely not a mark of respect.
“Love is honesty. Love is a mutual respect for one another.”
― Simone Elkeles
#10 – Never, ever get your children involved your marriage. Perhaps this should have been at #1. Making your children choose sides and disrepect your spouse is an absolute no-no in any marriage.
“Two people can only live as one when each is prepared to give and receive trust and understanding. Above that lies respect. Without respect for how the other feels, no marriage is worthwhile.”
― Helen Hollick
I’m sorry if this sound like a set of rules. This post comes out of my own experience and beliefs. Respect in marriage, and any relationship, is something I feel very strongly about. Do you feel the same?