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The Importance of Respect In A Marriage #MarchMarriageChallenge

I shared with you a review of a lovely book called, I Choose You Today, a short while back. When I saw the #MarchMarriageChallenge, I couldn’t help thinking of the book and also wanting to join in with Melissa Ann of The Eyes Of A Boy and several other fabulous bloggers.Click on the image below to find the links to the other blogs in this challenge.

MarchMarriageChallenge

The Importance of Respect In A Marriage

If you were to ask me what I’d choose in marriage, love or respect, I’d go with respect. I know you’re going to tell me that love is so much more than respect and that love includes respect. You might even tell me that love trumps everything and that even when we can’t respect someone, we can love them. I’m still going to choose respect.

To me love is rather difficult to define, whereas respect is easy to identify. I think, love is more a feeling, while respect is evidenced in behaviour.

“The truest form of love is how you behave toward someone, not how you feel about them.”
― Steve Hall

What is respect in a marriage?

When you respect your partner, you understand that she is a unique individual and not a reflection of you. He is not an object you own. You learn how to respect the other’s needs and to mesh your own needs with theirs, so that both of you can work towards what you want to achieve. You don’t control, manipulate or try to change her or  into what you want her to be.

treat each other with respect

How can we show respect in our marriage?

# 1 – Make sure you speak well of your spouse to others. If you are having problems in your marriage speak to someone (preferably a qualified person) in private. Don’t put your spouse down in public. It shows a lack of respect and doesn’t reflect well on you.

# 2 – Respect his/her family of origin. Our spouses might not agree with their families from time to time. Leave them to deal with their families. Don’t humiliate his or her family.

# 3 – Show common courtesies. Although it’s nice to let your hair down with your spouse, it’s also important to be polite, kind and respectful of his time and personal space.

# 4 – Examine your own behaviour and responses from time to time. There are times you might feel frustrated with your spouse. Check if it’s their behaviour that is causing the problem, or your own unresolved issues.

# 5 – Don’t argue in public. Nothing is more embarrasing than having a husband and wife argue in front of you. You might lose your temper, but keep discussions and arguments to resolve in private.

“I wish that people who are conventionally supposed to love each other would say to each other, when they fight, ‘Please — a little less love, and a little more common decency’.”
― Kurt Vonnegut

# 6 – Be quick to apologize. Own your mistakes and acknowledge the hurt feelings of the other.

# 7 – Show gratitude. Look for the good qualities in your spouse and acknowledge them. Thank her for all she is and him for all he does.

# 8 – Seek her opinion. Actively seek your spouse’s opinion on things. Often their perspective on a situation will throw new light on a problem you might be facing.

#9 – Don’t be sneaky. I’ve often seen wives hiding information about spending, etc from their husbands, even if they are earning. And husbands, will go out for a drink and pretend it was work. Dishonesty is definitely not a mark of respect.

“Love is honesty. Love is a mutual respect for one another.”
― Simone Elkeles

#10 – Never, ever get your children involved your marriage. Perhaps this should have been at #1. Making your children choose sides and disrepect your spouse is an absolute no-no in any marriage.

“Two people can only live as one when each is prepared to give and receive trust and understanding. Above that lies respect. Without respect for how the other feels, no marriage is worthwhile.”
― Helen Hollick

I’m sorry if this sound like a set of rules. This post comes out of my own experience and beliefs. Respect in marriage, and any relationship, is something I feel very strongly about. Do you feel the same?

17 Comments

  1. Anthony E. Anthony E. October 3, 2018

    It’s quite difficult to eliminate respect from the love that exists in marriages. Respect is very necessary, it is reciprocal. Failure to show respect on one side will certainly break the marriage.

  2. Parul Parul March 23, 2015

    Lovely lessons Corinne and something for us to take note. If I were to pick up between love and respect – I will also go with respect.
    With respect, love will come by! Thank you for sharing this post! It’s beautiful and so well written.
    Parul recently posted..The beans have been spilled..My Profile

  3. Melissa Roy Melissa Roy March 20, 2015

    I think that love and respect in a marriage go hand-in-hand, you truly can’t have one without the other.
    Melissa Roy recently posted..Boys Will Be BoysMy Profile

  4. Eda Eda March 16, 2015

    great post 🙂 thanks

  5. Debbie D. Debbie D. March 14, 2015

    Mutual respect is definitely important to any successful relationship. Good points all, Corinne, but even after 40+ years of marriage, neither one of us is quick to apologize. Stubborn! 😀 On the other hand, after so many years together, there’s nothing that would drive us apart so easily.
    Debbie D. recently posted..MOUNTAIN – PHOTO FRIDAYMy Profile

  6. nabanita nabanita March 13, 2015

    You know Corinne this post reminds me of a discussion I had with S a couple of weeks ago…he chose respect and I chose love…For me love is like an onion ( not a good analogy I agree) and as we peel through it we find respect, tolerance and all that is integral to a marriage in it’s layers…Of-course at the end of the day I feel love cannot survive without respect … And all these rules you mention these are so essential in a relationship such as marriage…
    nabanita recently posted..What If I Lose My Memory?My Profile

  7. BellyBytes BellyBytes March 13, 2015

    Nothing can be further from the truth! I remember telling everyone that the first fight you ever have your husband will say ” You are just like your mother” even if he has never seen her before!

    It is equally hard to keep children out of fights and to talk to them without referring to your husband as “Your father” whenever you are mad at him………

    Thanks for reminding us of all the pitfalls we tend to fall into!
    BellyBytes recently posted..Hints of cloud in my Mumbai SkyMy Profile

  8. Beloo Mehra Beloo Mehra March 13, 2015

    Very good post, Corinne! Having been married for more than 25 years, I think would agree with you on all the points 🙂 I think love is sometimes a bit over-rated, especially when we can’t always say what really is love, particularly human love which is generally a mixed-up emotion in many ways. You can’t love a person without respecting them. So respect is perhaps a pre-requisite to really loving the other person.
    Beloo Mehra recently posted..Current Events 8: Perception and Propaganda in the Discourse about IndiaMy Profile

  9. Martha Orlando Martha Orlando March 13, 2015

    Corinne, I think that having respect for any individual, whether in marriage or outside relationships, helps to nurture our genuine love for our spouse and for those who need to be shown the unconditional treasure of God’s love through Jesus. I do believe the two work in tandem and can’t be separated from one another.
    Loved your list offered here, too. Great advice for anyone struggling in their marriage relationship.
    Just know I thank God every day for having Danny in my life. I know you do the same for Jose!
    Blessings, dear friend!
    Martha Orlando recently posted..The Work of Human HandsMy Profile

  10. Snarky Momma With Love Snarky Momma With Love March 13, 2015

    Great post. As I read along agreeing with each point I found myself wondering if I could do a better job with some of them. Big or small, each issue of respect is well taken.
    Snarky Momma With Love recently posted..Haunted Bordello & The Cowboy’s EnduranceMy Profile

  11. Kalpana solsi Kalpana solsi March 12, 2015

    It would be very difficult to choose either one of them. Love and respect ideally should be together in a marriage.

  12. G Angela G Angela March 12, 2015

    I liked your post corinne, but felt it is an ideal thing to expect, from my own experience, respect does not come easily from men in our society, because of mind sets, the conditioning is so much that, women are always expected to bow and bend low for everything. It is not easy to get a man to be honest and share everything, as they will not want to talk about their feelings, finances and problems, because they are expected to always be strong.

    so its a big challenge to interact as equals… respect, love, reverence can only happen among couples who treat one another as equal partners for marriage. Having married for the last 15 years now its been quite a challenge, but I am grateful to God that things have changed now, but it took quite long and it requires a lot of patience, optimism, faith in oneself and God, forgiveness and the desire to stay together despite challenges…. thanks you made me think..
    G Angela recently posted..Inspiring women in my life …My Profile

  13. Loni Townsend Loni Townsend March 12, 2015

    Ah, Respect. Yes. I once had a boyfriend. We had been together 18 months. Every week I would talk to my brother about my frustrations. BF got kicked out of college for not doing his homework. BF quit his job to go on a trip, and complained when the employer wouldn’t rehire him. BF wanted to go out to eat, but his bank account was overdrawn. BF sat around playing video games instead of looking for a job. I wanted to help him. I tried to help him with his work. I tried to teach him how to budget. But every day the situation got tougher, and my resentment grew.

    My brother compressed his lips and said, “it doesn’t sound like you respect the guy.”

    I realized it was true. I had lost my respect for him. The next day, I ended our relationship, since I knew it wasn’t fair to either of us to continue it when I couldn’t respect where he was.

    Perhaps having that background makes me respect my husband even more. I nodded along with your list, as I hold many of the same beliefs. And thankfully for me, I love him too. 🙂

    Great post, Corrine.
    Loni Townsend recently posted..Signing Recap and a Chance to WinMy Profile

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