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Earning Trust #MondayMusings

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that it’s been a long time, probably too long, since I’ve met a friend over a cup of coffee. Then I’d proceed to chew your ear off about a lot of things happening in my life. But we’re not having coffee, so I’ll restrict this to my musings on earning trust.

The first thing on my list is to tell you that we finally got our little pup (more about her in another post) spayed this morning. It almost broke my heart to see the trust in her eyes as her mouth was tied and she was prepped for surgery. As if she knew that we would only have her undergo the pain, because we wanted what was good for her.

It brought back memories of the time we had to put our old dog down as he was suffering from severe arthritis and could hardly move. He passed away in my arms looking at me trustingly.   (At times like these, you wish you didn’t have pets – for all the joy they bring, there’s also the deep sense of attachment and consequent loss when they leave us.)

The trust of animals is a precious gift and one that we earn as we care for them. As one of my favourite authors said:

I wish people would realize that animals are totally dependent on us, helpless, like children, a trust that is put upon us. – James Herriot

Thinking of trust, my mind wanders to another loss – the death of a young maid in our housing colony. I often saw her around and even spoke to her a couple of times. The last time I bumped into her, the girl seemed lost and didn’t make eye contact despite my attempt to smile at her.

I learnt that her family had taken a loan for her sister’s wedding and it fell upon this young girl to repay it. So she took a job in another city, where while she worked and earned, she also learned to dress much smarter. When she came back to her home city, trying still to repay her loan, the creditor, an uncle of sorts, decided he wanted to marry her. He had a wife and three daughters around the age of this girl! One night the wife and daughters of this man, landed at her doorstep and began to berate and abuse her for supposedly enticing their husband/father. Unable to bear the shame that was really not hers at all, she hanged herself that very night.

I heard the story only weeks after her death. It saddened me to think that this young woman had no one she could trust with her problem. Possibly, shame prevented her from sharing. If she told any one of her employers this, they might have sought police protection for her….. But I’m not sure what the nature of her relationships with her employers were. I only wish that there was at least one person who had earned her trust.

How do we earn the trust of people we meet on a day to day basis? How do we let them know that we can be there for them? This truly is something for all of us to think about. 

“How do you build trust? Trust is earned when everyone’s interests are considered and respected. Communication is the key to do this.” – Sheri Levit

earning-trust

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17 Comments

  1. Gilly Maddison Gilly Maddison August 23, 2016

    Oh dear, that is so sad. Poor girl – so awful to think that there was no one, out of all the billions of people on our planet, that she could trust. Choosing death over asking for help shows how lonely and disconnected a person can be despite living in a crowded world.

    Earning trust is not easy in this day and age. I saw one of my cousins in town yesterday and we had tea together. We have not seen each other for some time and had lots to discuss. She is very much like me in that she is compelled to do kind things whenever she gets the chance because she believes random acts of kindness will gradually change the world.

    We discussed how being kind often attracts suspicion from people. I said I am so tired of people wondering what my motive is that I am thinking maybe I should start being like the harder people of the world and stop being kind. She understood and said don’t let the world stop you from being who you are. It doesn’t matter whether people trust you or not, WE know what our motives are and that is all that matters. Whether people can accept kindness in the spirit it is given is out of our control. I am glad I saw her.

    Hope your little pup is doing ok – you did the best thing even though it is hard.

  2. Nabanita Dhar Nabanita Dhar August 22, 2016

    It’s so painful. A young life lost. I feel so bad when I read such stories.
    Anyways, I admire people who have and take care of pets. My best friend is an avid animal lover and she could just about hit anyone who is cruel to animals. It’s a gift to feel this way for animals, not everyone can but everyone should.

  3. Tatyana Tatyana August 21, 2016

    I was sad to hear about that woman ending her life. Trust is very important, and more often than not, can save s person from sorrow. I wish that she was able to trust someone, maybe even just one person, and then maybe she would still be alive. This was a great post. Your writing in great!

    Xoxo

  4. Lux G. Lux G. August 17, 2016

    I enjoy seeing dogs when I go out. As if I haven’t had enough with 18 at home. 🙂
    Have a wonderful week, Corrine. Thanks for sharing another positive post.

  5. Pratikshya Mishra Pratikshya Mishra August 16, 2016

    Gaining trust is difficult yet an essential need in these days… It’s true that death of a beloved pet is very painful.. I haven’t experienced the love for them myself.. But through by beat friend I have… She cried the whole night while we were roommates in Mysore when she got the news that one of her cats was no more
    … Sad to hear about the maid.. These news have become so common these days…sad…
    Pratikshya Mishra recently posted..Memoir Writing – Family Tales 2My Profile

  6. Lata Sunil Lata Sunil August 16, 2016

    Well said Corinne. As an outsider, it may seem like a trivial matter. We may never know why she took a drastic step. But I wish, she would have reached out to someone.

  7. Dashy Dashy August 16, 2016

    I feel truly bad for the young girl. Trust is hard to earn, and at times like this, nothing can be more important than that. I too wish there was atleast one person she could have trusted and confided to. I hope there aren’t many others who follow the same fate.
    Dashy recently posted..A letter to Pak from HindustanMy Profile

  8. Vishal Bheeroo Vishal Bheeroo August 15, 2016

    It breaks the heart when an innocent girl has to face it and kills herself. We speak of Independence but freedom for such souls…it’s tragic. True, pet eyes shows the trust they have in us humans. I remember one rainy day, three pups were sleeping on my veranda and their eyes convey, Please take care of us. It’s truth, I feel. My heart tanked, we gave them milk to drink and became friends:)

  9. sampada sampada August 15, 2016

    This is so important, having somebody who we can trust to stand by us. And you ask the right question, what are we doing to make somebody trust us with their problems? How do you make it easier for them to reach out to us if we judge them at the drop of a hat, or dole out long preachy advice?

    I think it takes a lot from us to become trustworthy also.

    A good though-provoking post.
    sampada recently posted..Monday WarmUp #1My Profile

  10. Darla M Sands Darla M Sands August 15, 2016

    What an awful tale about the young woman! On a happier note, I’m glad you got your dog fixed. I really do believe it improves quality of life immensely for the animals. Best wishes!

  11. Parul Thakur Parul Thakur August 15, 2016

    Oh, that’s so sad and I feel for the girl. She must have gone so much before she decided to take matters into her own hands. You are right about trust. It’s so hard and one never know what a wrong one may bring. 🙁
    Parul Thakur recently posted..Independence day in picturesMy Profile

  12. Shalini R Shalini R August 15, 2016

    It pains me to know of the young girl’s death. It is a sad truth that we cannot understand what goes behind someone’s smile- their turmoils and worries. I wish we all had at least one such soul to whom we could confide in or at least say, “I need help”.
    Shalini R recently posted....and We Soar High! India 2050My Profile

  13. Sunaina Sunaina August 15, 2016

    It is difficult to let go of someone we love so much. Pets fill our days with such joy. I was reminded of my dog who stayed with us for 13 years. The day she passed away I was in US but strange it is that she came in my dream even before I knew she was gone. The tragic story of the young girl is a sharp commentary on our society which holds no compassion for those who are underprivileged. If only there was someone to place trust in her as you rightly pointed out Corinne.

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