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Playing The Blame Game #septemberchallenge

Do you play the blame game? I know I was quite an ace at it. There are times, even now, that I might lapse into playing that game, but I often call myself out and stop.

Playing The Blame Game

Watch this video to see the blame game in action.

Like Brené Brown says blame is a way of gaining control of a situation. It is also a way to deal with our discomfort and pain.

Blame prevents us from acknowledging our pain, from talking about our true feelings. It’s easier to blame than to own our feelings. It’s easier to say, “It’s all your fault….” than to say, “When you do this, it makes me feel unwanted/ unloved….”

It’s easier to blame than to take responsibility for our behaviour. There’s no doubt that we learn from the patterns of behaviour modelled for us. However, we don’t have to continue to behave the way we learnt to. We have choices.

Blaming involves us hiding from the truth. It calls for us to admit that we are helpless and the victim of another’s words, behaviour or action.

No more blame. No more victims.

“When we feel good about the choices we’re making and when we’re engaging with the world from a place of worthiness rather than scarcity, we feel no need to judge and attack.”
― Brené Brown

brene-brown-quote

I’m choosing to stop playing the blame game! What about you?
Today I’m linking in to #MondayMusings on Write Tribe. Come join us there.

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We’re on to Day 5 of the September Blogging Challenge. I hope the weekend gave you a chance to catch up. I’m still trying to do that, since I blogged on Saturday and Sunday as well. But I will catch up before the day is out. 🙂

36 Comments

  1. Robyn Robyn September 12, 2015

    I work really hard at owning my own feelings as to avoid the blame game, but I’m not always successful. I’m okay with that because each failure is an opportunity for success! I saw a t-shirt once that said,
    “I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you”
    I think the blame game is mostly about that, don’t you?

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | September 13, 2015

      Love the message of the t-shirt, Robyn. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Orana Orana September 9, 2015

    For a long time I used to blame my mom for EVERYTHING. Poor woman she must have felt the worst. I now blame myself which is also just as bad. I will try and take you advice corinne.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | September 9, 2015

      It’s so easy to put the blame on someone else, isn’t it? Even if they were wrong, as they sometimes are, we can’t get stuck with the blaming. Moving on is what we need to do.

  3. sacha sacha September 8, 2015

    You mention a great point we might have learned from pattern and model behavior but we can choose not to act like that.(which are hard to break patterns or step out of our comfort zone) I think people choose the easy way out.The problem is that people don’t want to get dirty with the ugly stuff like braking patterns or owning up to their part.they rather blame and make excuses.

  4. Wendy Tomlinson Wendy Tomlinson September 8, 2015

    Brilliant video. Made me laugh but totally went “I do that”

    I’d like to consider myself a non blamer, but the reality is that’s not entirely true.

    I’m working on it x

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | September 8, 2015

      I think my first response was similar, Wendy. But I too know it’s not true!

  5. Mukulika Basu Mukulika Basu September 8, 2015

    To be honest about this, I try but fail miserably each time. The blame-game option seems more lucrative at the moment of action as it offers that temporary relief from taking responsibility. Later I realize my mistakes and how I should not have reacted. I had read somewhere earlier that we should try responding instead of reacting to any situation. I continue to try my best.

  6. anks anks September 8, 2015

    Something I stopped a long time ago… does not help anyone!

  7. Sandra Sandra September 8, 2015

    This is a toughy for me. I agree with the concept in theory, but as someone who has is bipolar, and only diagnosed three years ago, I can actually blame much of my less than desirable behaviour on my moments of mania. Although I do agree that I have to take accountability ~hangs head in shame~ But man, I had some fun times in my 20s 🙂

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | September 8, 2015

      I understand, Sandra. But that’s an entirely different aspect and it’s not blame, it’s attribution.

  8. Mary Hill Mary Hill September 8, 2015

    So true, When you play the blame game you allow the negativity to rob your peace. Anything that harms the peace that God gives you is not worthy of your time.

  9. Courtney Turner ( Courtney Turner ( September 8, 2015

    That was an awesome video. Frequently, I don’t watch videos because it seems like it’s another step, but I really like Brene Brown so I thought I would try it. I appreciate you for writing this post and other supportive posts. She’s right, about blame being corrosive for relationships. I’ve also not thought about the connection b/w blame and wanting to have control. In my relationship, we definitely do this dance… I’m sharing the video w/ my husband and hopefully he’ll get something out of it too. It’s easier to see from the outside though.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | September 8, 2015

      I understand, Courtney. That’s why I hardly use videos in my posts. I just had to share this one though. I’m glad it spoke to you as it did to me.

  10. LuAnn Braley LuAnn Braley September 7, 2015

    The atmosphere at the last place I worked was so toxic, it nearly killed me. I wished I would have handled things in a better way. One that would have allowed me to stay there, because I did (and do) love the residents with whom I worked. Towards the end of my tenure, there were many, many layoffs and workers were actually hoping to get laid off, so they could get away from the place.

    I allowed the place to get to me to the point I started smoking in my late 40’s (I had not done so previously). At the time, the only choices I saw was to smoke or (and I am not a violent person) punch a wall to release frustration. I’m still working my way out of that mess.

    Actually, your post really helped me today, Corinne. I had not thought about this situation consciously for some time. Thanks for the valuable reminder and for all that you do for your sister (and brother) bloggers!

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | September 7, 2015

      I’m sorry to hear about what you went through, LuAnn. A stressful job caused me to start putting on weight – and I haven’t stopped. The things we do to ourselves!!

      I’m glad my post helped you remember this. Sometimes we supress the difficult stuff. I’m learning to bring it out, air it, and send it on it’s way! 😉

  11. Alana Alana September 7, 2015

    As entertaining as the cartoon talk was, it was too true – and many American workplaces play that blame game all too well. So you would think we would know better in our personal lives, and we don’t. I know I play that game.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | September 7, 2015

      It’s a world-wide phenomenon, Alana. I sometimes think that the more educated and priviledged we are the more we play this game! Time to call a halt, no?

  12. Shalini Shalini September 7, 2015

    I took the blame always. I know, I still do. I apologize even when I know that I am not in the wrong. It has pulled me down in many instances. I am learning though. Thanks for the post.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | September 7, 2015

      Oh I know that behaviour too, Shalini. Self-esteem issues manifest themselves in such a variety of ways! Glad you’re changing. I’m on that path too.

  13. Nabanita Nabanita September 7, 2015

    I try Corinne but I do end up blaming others… I try to control myself and even rebuke myself but sometimes I just go on that path…having said that, I understand how being in control of our lives and choices help us from not pointing fingers at others…Something to focus on definitely!

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | September 7, 2015

      I think we all do this sometimes, Naba. Patterns of behaviour are not easy to break. But awareness is a start for us all.

  14. Sanch Sanch September 7, 2015

    I’ve been conditioned to take responsibility for everything…to the point where I will blame myself for things I’m not responsible for! I think it’s the other end of this blame game spectrum . However, I do see a lot of clients who love to blame everyone else and not take responsibility at all…it’s such hard work!

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | September 7, 2015

      Really? How interesting that is, Sanch. I guess finding a balance is what it’s all about.

  15. Mahathi Ramya Mahathi Ramya September 7, 2015

    I don’t blame others much. Usually, I do blame my close family members sometimes, but I regret later about it and ask sorry.
    In professional life, it happens a lot and I believe in accepting defeat as a team if something goes wrong and celebrating success together.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | September 7, 2015

      Thanks for sharing, Mahathi. That’s truly the spirit of team work!

  16. Roshan R Roshan R September 7, 2015

    I surprisingly don’t do this much… in fact, I used to take the blame for things I had not done also thinking why get the other person unnecessarily into trouble. But that attitude backfired in my face spectacularly so I atleast stopped that 🙂

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | September 7, 2015

      Like I mentioned in my reply to Sanch, I guess finding balance is what it’s all about. Thanks for sharing, Roshan.

  17. Astrid Astrid September 7, 2015

    I definitely play the blame game a lot. I try to refrain from doing it and try to take responsibility for my own actions, thoughts and feelings, but it’s hard.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | September 7, 2015

      It never is easy, Astrid. But I think awareness is a good place to start, no?

  18. Suzy Suzy September 7, 2015

    Love the quote. Actually when we play the blame game we give away our power though it looks like we have it. Good post.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | September 7, 2015

      Absolutely, Suzy! Somewhere down the line, we seem to have got that wrong!

  19. Meena Menonas Meena Menonas September 7, 2015

    Mmmm yet another food for thought post! Its indeed easy to blame than take responsibility n if we choose to we can always find a way to blame – but responsibility is all together a diff ball game rt

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | September 7, 2015

      Right you are, Meena. Happy to see you back to blogging again!

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