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Split Open?

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Certain events in the last few weeks have left me feeling very cheated by some people I considered friends.  A simple call for space was met with so much drama and attempts to control me, that I was aghast. While at my age, the behavior and choices of people should no longer surprise me – I guess I continue to be naive at many levels.

The details are not important, but my feelings are. I have been told that my blog was being scanned for posts about them. I was even asked by one ‘well-wisher’ not to write anything about these people. I have and I will continue to write what I wish to on this and other situations.

No, I am not bitter and don’t wish any of these people ill. Neither am I saying that I’m right and they’re wrong. What I am saying is that I will not be silent about things that affect me.

I have sought over the last few years to make this blog a place of authenticity. I’m not going to be a cover-up artist and pretend all is well. Neither am I going to write  ‘tell-alls’ with names and details. No, I will discuss my feelings and how I am processing them. I will write about what I’ve learned from  situations. Because that’s what life is about – loving, being hurt, hurting, and learning to forgive and let go. If someone tells me that they’re above all of this, then I will start an application for her sainthood or call her a liar. I will also ask her to kindly stop reading my blog/s.

As I mentioned in this post, for too long I have allowed other people to dictate my words and actions – no longer.

“Write what disturbs you, what you fear, what you have not been willing to speak about. Be willing to be split open.” – Natalie Goldberg

Thank you for your comments on my past few posts – the responses will be completed over the next few days.


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96 Comments

  1. sridevi sridevi August 19, 2013

    How did I miss this Corrine . I am so glad you did this post . Keep your chin up lady , you know how much you are loved …right 🙂 Big Big Hugs <3

  2. Hello, Corinne! It’s a very difficult thing to comment about misunderstandings between friends. I really don’t know the words to say. I just hope you’re ok right now. If they are your true friends, I guess they’d find a way back somehow. Our true friends love us, and at the end of the day, after all that we’ve been through, that’s what matters most. True friends are for keeps!

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 28, 2013

      I’m doing fine, thank you, Joyce. What you say about true friends is very correct. I’ve seen that happen.

  3. Dagny Dagny July 25, 2013

    They actually expected you to fall flat on your face and obey their silly commands? Don’t worry about them then Corinne. They were no friends of yours if this is how little they knew you.

    Now I, I know you. I know if I ever tell you to ‘edit’ the content of your blog to suit me, you’d tell me with calm courtesy to go boil my head. Then jump in the river and drown myself for good measure.

    Hence I don’t give you fruity suggestions- specially when I am likely to get clobbered for them. Wise, aren’t I? 😀

    Love ya, did you know?
    Dagny

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 26, 2013

      Thanks for your words and the affection behind them, Dagny.
      Love you back!

  4. Vidya Sury Vidya Sury July 25, 2013

    I am loving the Natalie Goldberg quote.

    Follow your heart, Corinne. Life is too short to dwell on unpleasant experiences. Best thing to do is learn and move on. Listening to others works up to a point. We do have lives to live.

    Smile, now.

    {{Hugs}}

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  6. Jyothi Nair Jyothi Nair July 23, 2013

    I go away for a while, come back with an emotional post and then end up reading this. Your blog, your space, your words, your life. As long as you are not using names , writing about your experiences, bitter or otherwise, is your prerogative. You have always been an inspiration to me because of your honest and well grounded approach to life. Hope you get over this hiccup soon. 🙂

  7. Jessica Jessica July 23, 2013

    I think it’s so important to have a place where you can be authentic and genuine in your reflections. You have every right to write whatever you’d like on your blog. Sometimes I fall into the trap of thinking, “oh maybe I shouldn’t write that”, regarding some material I’d like to post, for fear of reactions from friends/family. But, at the end of the day, our blogs are our way to express our creativity and people should honor that…or if they are going to be bothered, simply not choose to visit them.

    ::hugs::

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 24, 2013

      I too go through a lot of questions before I post something that’s remotely controversial, Jessica, because I don’t want to offend. However, more and more, I realize that I can’t be authentic if I’m constantly pandering to ‘what people might perceive’! Thank you for understanding.

  8. Vishnu Vishnu July 22, 2013

    Sorry to hear about this Corrinne and hope you’re able to continue to express yourself on your own blog. Sending you positive blog vibes and good wishes:)

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 23, 2013

      Thanks for the positive vibes and wishes, my friend. Holding on to them! 🙂

  9. Kalpana Solsi Kalpana Solsi July 22, 2013

    This space should be a mirror where the feelings are reflected as a true image, neither magnified not distorted. I admire your stand to express your heart and what life is about.Keep it up Corinne.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 22, 2013

      Thank you, Kalpana. Yes, I’m trying to keep it as real as I possibly can.

  10. Magali Magali July 21, 2013

    THANK YOU for writing this post, Corinne. I had been absent from your blog for a while but went back & read the earlier posts too. I struggle to write about things like this & I end up keeping a lot of the anger inside & letting it stew. I wish I could end a friendship or any kind of relationship at the first warning sings. I let people in (in whatever capacity) & when they betray me it leaves me angry for days, I’m sure it hurts my health more than theirs, especially when the offenders seem to display no morals whatsoever. It’s good that you got this person out of your life. Please keep doing what you’re doing.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 22, 2013

      Magali – I’ve found that writing is the only way I can deal with what is happening in my life. For a while, I thought that this blog had to be a only a ‘happy’ place – but now I know that unless I’m real, I can’t be happy – so why not write about it. I wish you healing too. ♥

  11. G Angela G Angela July 20, 2013

    I am surprised to read this post ! I have always found something beautiful and inspiring to ponder over from your blog. I felt disturbed that such things are happening, I am glad that you have written and made a choice to remain who you are ! and what you want to be …. keep moving corinne.. you are an inspiration and you will continue to remain an inspiration …. God bless ..

  12. Rum Punch Drunk Rum Punch Drunk July 20, 2013

    You know what? You are right. It is your blog and you can do anything you want with it. Don’t allow others to dictate what you should do. Tell them to open their own blog or don’t read yours. Sometimes if you worry too much about what your friends are saying, you’ll never get on in life. They will keep you in a box some days with a lid on it.

    I also agree that if it’s about someone else then to protect their identity you use different names etc.. That way, you can be free to express yourself and divulge your feelings without bringing them into the mix.
    Very well said post mate.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 23, 2013

      True, true – no point allowing others to tell you what to do with your life and blog! 🙂

  13. Amit Amit July 20, 2013

    People can dictate what you write on your blog?
    I have had some nasty experiences but I promptly block such people so that they are not able to comment any further on my blog. This is not an area where I suffer fools.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 23, 2013

      No one can, can they? Yes, the faster we cut such people off the better. Thanks for stopping by, Amit. I appreciate your comment.

  14. B k chowla B k chowla July 20, 2013

    Absolutely..One is free to express oneself.In fact,one’s own blog is the place where one feels free

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 23, 2013

      Exactly, Mr Chowla. Not letting anyone push me around! 🙂

  15. Belly bytes Belly bytes July 19, 2013

    I completely agree with you. If you can’t write freely, you are not being true to yourself. I too have had a similar experience but with Facebook where certain people were offended bu what I had written.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 23, 2013

      Thanks so much for sharing! Hope all is well with you – it’s been a while since we connected.

  16. Ruchira Ruchira July 19, 2013

    That’s what a writer gotta do…exfoliate cause that helps in the expression of words and be a great writer!

    Happy Friday, Corrine!

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 23, 2013

      Love the word ‘exfoliate’ in this context, Ruchira! 🙂

  17. Michelle Liew Michelle Liew July 19, 2013

    We have, and will always have, the rights to our own voices. Thanks for sharing, Corrine!

  18. Martha Orlando Martha Orlando July 19, 2013

    Stay authentic, no matter what, Corinne! You have every right to write what is on your heart and to express your opinion, always.
    I got reamed recently by certain readers when I expressed a rather controversial point of view. My take? I’ll durned well say what I want how I want to. If you don’t like it, leave the blog!
    Blessings, my friend!

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 23, 2013

      Thanks, Martha. Sorry to hear about your experience – but like you said, we have the right to say what we like on our space.

  19. Ron Ron July 19, 2013

    Corinne – As long as I have known you, you have always been a thoughtful and honest person and have written so eloquently about it. You are a purposeful teacher that learns from your own lessons and shares them.

    There is no sage advice to offer here that you haven’t sorted out for yourself, only support for you and the path you are on. Perhaps the folks who want to dictate to and control you should spend that energy on their own personal growth…I’m just saying.

    Be well,
    Ron

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 22, 2013

      Ron – I know that I have revisited this comment of yours several times through the last few days. Thank you, my dear friend.

  20. Suzy Suzy July 19, 2013

    It is your blog Corinne so you should write whatever you feel. I’m stunned that there are some who would control others in such a way. Keep doing what you’re doing. It’s the authenticity that endears me to your blog. Hugs.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 22, 2013

      Thanks so much for your words and support, Suzy! They mean a lot.

  21. Sulekha ( Sulekha ( July 19, 2013

    Corinne,
    Life is full of surprises and we are faced with some unimaginable challenges and situations but how we deal with them defines us. I love the fact that you are so open and fearless about this whole fiasco.I am with you, write what your heart tells you to and never mind the insecure ones who write less but worry about what others do on their personal spaces more.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 22, 2013

      Thanks, Sulekha for these words and your support all through. ♥

  22. A Walk into the Woods A Walk into the Woods July 19, 2013

    Apparently, Corinne… wherever I see, there is a painful churning going on in everyone’s lives. We are all battling so many things but what strikes me is their simultaneity. You are a brave lady and continue to be so. Truth always hurts especially to those, who wear the tag of truth on their forehead, and expect to be believed as honest people.
    The rest of us… will continue with our lives’ journeys, and record our learnings and rejoice in our lasting friendships.
    After all, it’s only during the tough times that God reveals who is really your true friends and who is not.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 22, 2013

      Thanks, my friend. It’s important that we keep the faith and try to stay true to ourselves.

  23. Melissa Melissa July 19, 2013

    I have always been for you and with you esp. when you have decided to trek the road of authenticity. When words are ‘veiled’ they are difficult to follow.

    Continue BS.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 22, 2013

      Thank you for your love, support and prayers always, Melissa. ♥

  24. Bhavya Bhavya July 19, 2013

    Corinne,

    We never can please everybody. The best we can do is be ourselves, try our best and try not to hurt people. I’m more than 100% sure you are doing all of these. People get jealous, say some very spiteful things and at times do terrible things to us. We being humans, get hurt or are offended. I think that is natural, for it means that we have always been sincere in the particular relationship since the new turn of events has affected us so deeply.
    To learn to walk steady, we first try, fail and then get better at it na 🙂
    Stick by what you know is right, like you always have. We are all on your side 🙂
    Loads of love..
    Bhavya

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 22, 2013

      Thanks, Bhavya for your words and the affection behind them. Means a lot.

  25. Susan Deborah Susan Deborah July 19, 2013

    Corinne, I firmly believe that what needs to be written will be written and no one can scan and dictate what one writes. Please keep the good work going for through your writings many find directions and clarity.

    Cheers to more.

    Joy always,
    Susan

  26. Rachna Rachna July 19, 2013

    Corinne, I am shocked that the content on your blog is being dictated. I have had some bad brushes with blogging as well. When someone who called themselves your friend goes ahead and badmouthes you, it hurts. But though I acknowledged the feelings and took some time to get over them, I never stopped believing that this too shall pass. Take your time and believe in yourself! Do what your conscience says is right.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 22, 2013

      Thanks for sharing and for your support, Rachna. It means a lot.

  27. Mary Stephenson Mary Stephenson July 19, 2013

    Hi Corinne

    Truth be that you can never please everyone. You will always have someone that will criticize unless you become so passive and then you have no voice. I guess I am lucky that most people I write about never take the time to read my blog or are no longer alive. But it is still your experience with them that matters. If you never mention names or something like “my older sister” and you only have one and everyone knows who you are talking about, then I see no reason some should be so upset with what you write.

    Writers write for the love of it or some kind of self-therapy whatever the reason does not matter, if the reader gains some insight to their own problems then that is a plus. Some secrets are best left unsaid, as we all have something we never want to share with the world and that is the way it should be. Not sure why some would want to silence what you share.

    Mary

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 22, 2013

      Oh yes, Mary we can’t please them all, can we? I’m very careful not to mention names, and often change gender too! I try to write what effects my life and hope someone else will be gain some insight, like you said.

  28. Swati Swati July 19, 2013

    Our blog is our private space and we can write about anything under the sun. F**k the world who thinks or try to teach us otherwise. Way to go Corinne.

  29. Dangerous Linda Dangerous Linda July 19, 2013

    Rock the Heck On, Corinne!!!!!! I love watching you G-R-O-WWWWWWWW!!!!!

    Learning who you are and feeling free to share yourself authentically with the world is one of the most (maybe even THE MOST?) wonderful gifts life has to offer! So happy to share this journey with YOU!

    XOXOXOXOXOXO

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 22, 2013

      Thanks for being all you are to me, Linda. You help me be a better person! ♥

  30. Roshni Roshni July 18, 2013

    I’m stunned that this happened to you, dear Corinne! I know you will never lose your authenticity, and I’m really someone tried to urge you to do so. {{hugs}}

  31. C. Suresh C. Suresh July 18, 2013

    Really? There are people who would try to restrict what you will write on your blog? Never knew that censorship had taken such a hold on this society. Good for you that you refuse to toe THAT line.

    As an aside, I’m afraid I hv lost touch with your blog again. Partly cos I was away on an ill-fated trek and mostly cos you hv stopped posting on Indiblogger – again 🙂

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 22, 2013

      Oh yes, the world is made up of all kinds of people, Suresh. Sometimes censorship comes from people who we perceive to be close to us – and that’s the unkindest cut of all, eh?

      Yes, I’m off posting on IB and it doesn’t matter about you not reading my blog – so glad you’re safe!

        • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 24, 2013

          I didn’t mean that the way it sounded, Suresh. Trying to think of a way around this. 🙂

          • C. Suresh C. Suresh July 24, 2013

            There was no misunderstanding, Corinne. I knew that what you were saying was that you were not upset that I was not reading your posts nor were you holding it against me. And my reply was addressed on that basis – that it mattered to me that I was not getting to read.

            Tell me once you find a work-around 🙂

  32. Apoorva Apoorva July 18, 2013

    Such straight from the heart crisp thoughts…It takes courage to acknowledge and even more to pen down such feelings that have bruised you… There can be no better medium to vent it out like this. It resonates with so many of us who could not express it and still have that lump in the heart… you might also be feeling light now… expression is always good… but letting go after your have said it is even more important..

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 22, 2013

      Thank you so very much, Apoorva. It took me a while to put my thoughts down coherently, but yes, it did help to express myself!

  33. usha menon usha menon July 18, 2013

    Corinne ,it really pained me to read someone is trying to take you for granted! Corinne it is a fact that right from the beginning I found you to be a very sincere. In the this blogging sphere you are held in great esteem,but you are very humble. I admire your spirit to face all this with poise, and and a cool mind. Let the barking dogs bark!!

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 22, 2013

      Mrs Menon -thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot to me. I am so glad we’re connected.

  34. Lazy Pineapple Lazy Pineapple July 18, 2013

    It is always important to be who you are . This is your blog and so your decision what to write and which topic to choose.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 22, 2013

      Thanks so much, Vinita. Can’t let anyone else dictate who I am or what I write here.

  35. Shail Shail July 18, 2013

    I was mentally planning my comment when I came across your reference to my ‘About Me’ page. 🙂
    I am totally with you on this one.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 22, 2013

      How could I not reference your ‘About’ page, Shail? Thanks for your support. It means a lot!

  36. Sheethal Sheethal July 18, 2013

    Our blog is our space and we are bound to express whatever we feel like. Way to go.!!!! Proud of you!

  37. Ritu Lalit Ritu Lalit July 18, 2013

    A woman’s gotta do what she’s gotta do. Walk your path Corinne. Be yourself, that is what we love you for

  38. vasudha vasudha July 18, 2013

    I wish, all of us could be as honest & fearless as you are Corinne ! I trust, you have overcome the pain & sadness of going through this.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 22, 2013

      Thank you so much, Vasudha. It’s a process of learning and I’m glad I learned sooner rather than later!

  39. Brenda Brenda July 18, 2013

    I wrote about this a couple of weeks ago. Me, I write what I damn well please. The blog is my virtual corner of the world and belongs to me and only me. I don’t filter or pander. It could be why I only have 2.5 friends, but hey, my words and voice are honest. Express yourself as it calls to you.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 22, 2013

      I’m going to find your post, Brenda. I agree 100 percent with what you say. I’d rather be honest about my feelings than be popular!

  40. Patrick Patrick July 18, 2013

    Writing is, if nothing else, self expression. we accomplish this in various ways, but it is always a piece of the soul or it is not worth reading.
    I am sorry that you encountered stresses. It seems to be a common factor putting words on paper… there is always someone who dislikes a writer.
    Do what you do because its in your heart, because you must, because its a calling.

    <3

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 22, 2013

      Thanks so much for your words, Patrick. I love what you say about our writing being ‘a piece of the soul or it is not worth reading’. Words that I’m going to remember for a long time now.

  41. Shilpa Garg Shilpa Garg July 18, 2013

    Proud of you, your choices and your decisions! Way to go, Corinne! 🙂

  42. Richa Singh Richa Singh July 18, 2013

    Corinne sometimes when feelings cannot be spoken they are at best written. And as a writer I can assure you that giving up your right to speak your mind is easier than giving up your right to pen them down. As a fellow blogger I appreciate your stand also your approach in not spelling out names which of course was mud slinging for many. At the same time as we say our blog chronicles our life you have written about your own emotions irrespective of where or who is concerned with them.

    As Kajal rightfully said “Atta girl!”

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 20, 2013

      Absolutely right, Richa. Thanks for the vote of confidence.

  43. Alka Gurha Alka Gurha July 18, 2013

    I haven’t met you dear but I love your honesty and sincerity. We can’t please all the people all the time. Keep writing and keep being the warm caring person that you are.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 20, 2013

      Alka, thanks. Your words and the affection behind them mean a lot.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 19, 2013

      Thanks so much, Adriana. People like you keep me authentic, my friend.

  44. Kajal Kajal July 18, 2013

    Of course! You have all the right to express yourself in whatever manner you wish. No one controls our mind and no one must control our words…Atta girl!!

    Salute!

  45. Cairn Rodrigues Cairn Rodrigues July 18, 2013

    I have two very important things to say.

    1) I adore your authenticity and your tenacity in sticking by your decisions. It’s not an easy thing to live a real life when so many want you to just get along and go along.

    2) You are a fantastic writer. I’ve read many things since meeting you and found them to be witty, thoughtful, occasionally profound and always surprising.

    You know I’m on your side 🙂

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 18, 2013

      You absolutely made my evening, Cairn. I love hanging with people like you who keep it honest too. You challenge me to be more authentic! ♥

  46. Varsh Varsh July 18, 2013

    I liked what you said Corinne and agree with it. More so because you didn’t play victim here, you just put out your feelings openly. I’ve done that at times too. This should work as a subtle way to let them know they’ve wronged.
    I’ve come across blogs that are mainly for justifications and explainations on how the writer is a saint and is cheated repeatedly. Yours is the simplest and honest one.

    • Corinne Rodrigues Corinne Rodrigues Post author | July 18, 2013

      I’m trying to keep it honest, Varsha. Thanks!
      PS: Have been trying to connect with you on FB about the prompts. 🙂

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