“Your mother is evil,” he told her. She listened quietly, not arguing. For the first time in her life, she gave herself permission to agree with this.
His words resonated with her and she sought to process them as she wrote in her journal the next morning. The words flowed – as she wrote of that little girl who had to grow up faster than necessary. The memories came rushing back, the pain, the feeling of being used, and the knowledge that she had been a pawn in her mother’s games. And with the words, came the tears, unshed for many years. Racking sobs – crying for that young girl, that young woman, that older woman – each a part of her and every one of them needed healing.
She was grateful for the man who stood by her through this process – challenging and cheering her on as she redefined the dynamics of her relationship with her mother.
If he had said those words to her a year ago, she would have fought against them and accused him of being mean. Today, thanks to the journey she had started some months back, she was ready to face the truth.
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. ~ Aldous Huxley
Whatever happens to us is stored in our minds and even our bodies. We try hard to suppress the painful memories. We don’t want to face up to our own vulnerabilities and the fact that we have been hurt. This is even more true when the person who has hurt us is someone we love very much – a parent, a partner or a sibling.
We pretend we have not been hurt at all. For to acknowledge our pain, is to paint our loved one as a ‘villain’. This is where misplaced loyalties and wrong notions of what love is come into play. We take on the role of martyrs for the cause of family loyalty and love.
And so we continue to suffer. Our hurts continue to affect our lives and other relationships.
It is only when we are ready to face the truth that health and healing can begin.
If we our blessed as the woman in my little piece at the start was, then we’ll have people in our lives who will challenge us to the truth – challenge us to heal. But it’s up to us to want this healing. The process is not easy. But if we want to be authentic, it is the only way.
We can choose counseling, group therapy, spiritual exercises or journaling as ways to begin the healing process. The good news is that it’s never too late to be healed. Even if we’ve been suppressing our pain for a lifetime, if we are willing to release these secret hurts, we can be healed. And the truth that we tried to suppress will itself be our healing!
The truth shall indeed set us free!
The more light you allow within you, the brighter the world you live in will be. – Shakti Gawain